Horror Parodies & Satires Books

With Teeth

Kyle Dunbar has a few problems: He lives in a rundown house on the side of town the cops would rather not go to. His wife has left him, along with the kids. And a new neighbor has moved in across the street. But not the type that plays their music too loud, or lets their grass get too high. This neighbor has a dark secret. When he gazes Kyle's wife Lucille for the first time, he'll not give up until she is all his.

It's the Apocalypse, Dave: Try to Have Fun

Dave's a bit of a loser. Even he'd admit that was true. He's no good at relationships, he's a terrible employee, and he's got no clue what to do with his life. Quite frankly, the world doesn't seem to have a place for him. But that's okay, because the world's just about to end.

An experiment thousands of miles away is about to initiate a world-wide apocalypse that's going to change everything. The world as Dave knew it is over, and he's going to find that the apocalypse has it in for him. While people all around him become infected by nightmarish creatures, Dave discovers he's got some friends left alive who need his help. Together, they're going to have to do battle with parasitic squid creatures out for blood, and find a way to survive an apocalypse designed to eliminate all human life.

PETE: A Novel of Extreme Insanity

"How are you?" she asks.

I stare at her for a long time. "I thought I killed you."

"Excuse me?"

"I shot a flare into your mouth. Your head exploded. A chainsaw landed in your stomach. You're dead."

"That's funny. I don't recall any of this at all."

"I killed you."

"Well, you obviously failed. I'm here, aren't I?"

"You're evil," I say.

"Really? Amazing...and how does that make you feel?"

"Scared."

She writes something on a notepad. "I suspect you have a phobia. Please continue."

"I have Peteaphobia. I'm scared of you. You and your basement."

"Please, no self-diagnosis."

"It's your fault."

"Let's not jump to conclusions. So where did this fear of basements begin?"

"Um...when this evil girl named Pete tried to kill me with a chainsaw in her basement!"

"And how did that make you feel?"

"SCARED!"

"And why do you think you were afraid?"

"You were trying to kill me!"

"And how long ago was this?"

"Four years ago."

"And have you noticed any changes since then?"

"No. Except that I'm scared of you."

"And how does this make you feel?"

I just sit there, silence enveloping the room. She smiles at me. "Scared."

"I believe you have a rare--well, not really--but serious condition. Peteaphobia. The fear of Pete."

"I said that already."

"No. That was a self-diagnosis. It doesn't count."

----

A man is imprisoned in an asylum by a crazy nurse who strips her patients of their identities and replaces their names with numbers. Her goal is to turn these patients into replicas of herself, to create a utopia of drones who are always happy (doped up) living under the benevolent dictatorship of the one and only PETE.

BECOME ONE. BECOME NORMAL. BECOME PETE.

Curious Goods: Pandora's Box - Book 1

When Paul has the worst news that a father can get, that his child has a terminal disease, he spirals into despair. He discovers a quaint antique shop, Curious Goods. Much to his surprise, the owner offers him a solution to all his woes. He accepts and is ecstatic when his daughter improves. All is well, until things start to spiral downwards. Things are not as they seem.

Book 1 of the Curious Goods series. Each book is a complete story written in the Curious Goods universe.

The Royal Wedding from Hell

Relive the Royal Wedding of Kate and Wills, but this time, with demons, swordfights and car chases. All of the romance, all of the pageantry, all of the flesh hungry beasts of the abyss. Join Kate, Wills, Harry and Pippa as they take on ancient forces of darkness, hordes of monsters and a plethora of possessed celebrities. It's the Royal Wedding from Hell!

Lightning Like Black Sharpies

National News Weekly exclusive:

Hick Georgian and esteemed junk yard security guard Nick O'Malley spins a tale of angels to pull a fast one on his cosmopolitan girlfriend, who went to college for two years before failing out.

Halloween Is for Lovers

Anno Zombus: Year 1; March: Volume 3

Blood has been spilled, war declared. In the ever deepening winter of the Dead more terrors are present than the obvious. Sometimes the Living are the greater threat...

Anno Zombus: Year 1; July: Volume 7

The seventh epic instalment of a journal of survival after the end of everything...

The Falstaff Vampire Werewolves

Mrs. Battle's Vampire Survival 101 class comes to a screaming halt when they encounter a werewolf in the midst of a field trip to San Francisco Airport. The moon is full and the hot-blooded werewolf begs to meet Sir John Falstaff. The werewolf is on a desperate rescue mission and the vampires old and new agree to help him.