Humour Books

Drive, Ride, Repeat: The Mostly True Account of a Cross-Country Car and Bicycle Adventure

This book is wildly funny. I lost track of how many times I laughed out loud. - Kathleen, Amazon Reviewer Author Al Macy is a character and a tightwad with a unique sense of humor. He and his wife squirreled away enough money to retire early, do interesting things, and take unusual trips. As he puts it: "Every day I wake up with nothing to do, and by the end of the day, I've only gotten half of it done." During his working life, Macy was a neuroscientist, computer game programmer, jazz trombonist, chef, CEO, piano player, clam digger, and technical writer. The book is a journal of a car/bicycle/camping trip from California to St. Louis and back, but Macy promises that "if it starts sounding like one of your brother-in-law's boring slide shows, I will stop this book, and we'll turn around and go home. I mean it." Interspersed with the journal chapters, you'll find thought-provoking life tips, stories from the past, and descriptions of Al's wacky inventions. You'll hear poignant anecdotes about what happened when doctors discovered a golf-ball-sized tumor in his wife's brain and how everything they owned burned. But it's not a downer--trust me!

Candide

Candide is a French satire first published in 1759 by Voltaire, a philosopher of the Age of Enlightenment. The novella has been widely translated, with English versions titled Candide: or, All for the Best (1759); Candide: or, The Optimist (1762); and Candide: or, Optimism (1947). It begins with a young man, Candide, who is living a sheltered life in an Edenic paradise and being indoctrinated with Leibnizian optimism (or simply "optimism") by his mentor, Professor Pangloss. The work describes the abrupt cessation of this lifestyle, followed by Candide's slow, painful disillusionment as he witnesses and experiences great hardships in the world. Voltaire concludes with Candide, if not rejecting optimism outright, advocating a deeply practical precept, "we must cultivate our garden," in lieu of the Leibnizian mantra of Pangloss, "all is for the best" in the "best of all possible worlds." Candide is characterised by its sarcastic tone as well as by its erratic, fantastical and fast-moving plot. A picaresque novel with a story similar to that of a more serious bildungsroman, it parodies many adventure and romance cliches, the struggles of which are caricatured in a tone that is mordantly matter-of-fact. Still, the events discussed are often based on historical happenings, such as the Seven Years' War and the 1755 Lisbon earthquake. As philosophers of Voltaire's day contended with the problem of evil, so too does Candide in this short novel, albeit more directly and humorously. Voltaire ridicules religion, theologians, governments, armies, philosophies, and philosophers through allegory; most conspicuously, he assaults Leibniz and his optimism. As expected by Voltaire, Candide has enjoyed both great success and great scandal. Immediately after its secretive publication, the book was widely banned because it contained religious blasphemy, political sedition and intellectual hostility hidden under a thin veil of naivete. However, with its sharp wit and insightful portrayal

Diary of NINJA BOY & Fartypants: Everybody hates Mondays

Hi, my name is Manny Monday. I wish my parents could have named me something cool like Mad Dog Monday, or Muscles Monday. But here I am, good ole Manny. At least I have fartypants. He's my best friend. And when things get serious? That's when I become Ninja Boy...people get saved, girlfriends get rescued, and butts get kicked!

Barry Loser: My Dad is a Loser (The Barry Loser Series)

My Dad is a Loser is a madcap must-read for boys who love funny books such as Mr Gum and Wimpy Kid.

For all non-loserish dads and their sons. Read this little book to find out why I, Barry Loser, am definitely not at all loserish, even though my dad definitely is. Praise for my other book, I Am Not A Loser, which is about 8 million times longer than this one:

'Brilliant' - My mum.

'Amazing' - Also my mum

Jim Smith's hilarious illustrated books with their distinctive style and comedy genius make him (and Barry, of course) the coolest - or 'keelest' - new writer of books for kids who love to have fun when they read. Fans of Diary of a Wimpy Kid or David Walliams will love Barry Loser's stories. Jim is also the creator of Waldo Pancake.

Miranda and Me

Hello and welcome to the first book ever written by a dog - me, Miss Peggy Hart. I just couldn't wait any longer for Miranda's book all about me (Peggy and Me) to come out in October so decided to release my own book ahead of Miranda, and here it is!

It turns out I am not just pretty face. And what a pretty face I hear you say. I know. Just look at me. I like to say I look like a cloud breathed by angels. I just say it how I see it. But my skills are not just my incredible natural beauty, I am also quite the literary whizz. And I hope you like my book .

What's even more exciting is it contains Twitter stories from the nation's own #AndMe moments, the best of which Miranda and I have hand-selected to appear in this ebook! The great British public have spilled the beans on their own doting companions, canine or otherwise. Oh and it also contains a sneak preview from Peggy and Me AND an exclusive introduction from none other than moi and Miranda. Expect laughter and tears - fuelled by a rich reserve of chaotic cats, pompous pooches and the odd human along the way.

I do so hope you like it because I love you very much and want to make you happy. I am lovely like that. Lots of licks and woofs to you and I hope to meet you in person one day.

The Pegster signing out (but do follow me on Twitter @realpeggyhart).

Work Wife Balance

'This is well-written, very funny and I raced through it, occasionally squealing in horror at the antics of Kate's colleagues. It's also a joy to read about a strong woman with a big job and fiery opinions, a nice antidote to the sugary sweet sort of chick lit.' DAILY MAIL. Kate King is furiously flailing to keep afloat. As her team bicker, finger-point and cheat their way through rumours of sackings and site closures, her ill-tempered husband is becoming increasingly embittered and secretive. Kate knows she must address his petulant question: "Surely there's more to life than this?" but all her energies are required to dodge the corporate bullets constantly fired in her direction. Under pressure from an attractive, younger colleague, Kate is also concerned by her sudden invisibility to the opposite sex and the alarming appearance of back fat. Disturbingly, beige knitwear has started to call to her from the shelves of M&S. Growing more and more suspicious of her husband's activities, pressure builds on Kate both at work and at home until her turbulent year reaches its climactic end. Can she continue to balance precariously between work and marriage, or is one end of the scales going to hit the ground with a resounding thud?

A Pun in the Oven

More ridiculously funny - and ridiculous - rhymes from the Loonyverse inside Phil Maund's head. Discover how the formerly naked Emperor got his revenge, why Clara the Clairvoyant was so upset, revisit Eentsy Weentsy Spider, and see the truth revealed about Archimedes and his bath. These and more will have you in more stitches than his wife's embroidery machine.

Diary of NINJA BOY & Fartypants Book 1: Everybody hates Mondays

Boys Who Aren't Crazy About Reading? Not Anymore! You'll hear them cackling throughout the house at this modern classic with illustrations.

Hi, my name is Manny Monday. I have no idea why my parents didn't name me something cool, like Mad Dog Monday or Muscles Monday.

Oh well. At least I have my dog, Fartypants. And when things get serious...I become NINJA BOY!

Follow NINJA BOY on this hilarious adventure as he deals with...

-Sleep Farting in Science Class?

-Girlfriend Kidnapping Giants

-Stinkalators

-Mount Hogsnort henchmen

-Evil ninjas

-Biff and Lonnie, the bully brothers

Yeah, it's about to get serious....

With charming and hilarious illustrations and creative storytelling, the Diary of NINJA BOY & Fartypants is a must-read for any kid who loves fun adventures! Kids ages 9-13 (even reluctant readers), and middle schoolers can't wait to dive in to these Ninja Boy stories!

Be sure to check out book 2, Attack of the Bathroom Pirates!

and book 3, Minecraft Dance Party Danger!

You can even check out Ninja Toe's Facebook page.

Mouse's Secret Club #1: Let It Snow (Inside the Gym!)

Mouse is rarely seen without one of his beloved pet mice. He is never far from his mystery solving best friend, Rebekah and now he has started his very own secret club.

Join him, Rebekah and 3 other classmates as they set out to have a little fun creating practical jokes and magic tricks while hopefully staying out of trouble in the process.

In Let It Snow, Mouse is determined to create a magnificent magical illusion for his classmates during the first week of school. He has the permission of the new principal and everything seems cool until it goes all wrong!

Three Girls and a Baby

This fun chick lit novel is Book #1 in the best-selling Three Girls series!

The first book in Rachel Schurig's Love Story series is also free now! Check out In Search of a Love Story on Amazon.

Ginny McKensie's life is spiraling out of control.

Finished with college, she should have been planning her wedding. After all, Ginny and Josh were made for each other--everyone said so. Except the love of her life didn't agree.

Now Ginny is back in her hometown, unwillingly single, and stuck in a dead-end job. When she discovers she's pregnant, Ginny is convinced her life is ending. Instead of planning a future with Josh, she's learning the truth about morning sickness, juggling bills, and seeing just how far designer jeans can stretch.

Her life-plan never included dating again (not even with her too-hot new boss), or being a single mother at 23. Now, with the help of her best friends, Annie and Jen, Ginny must try to re-imagine--and rebuild--a life she never wanted.

Don't miss the sequel, Three Girls and a Wedding!

Rhymes My Mother Never Told Me

Recalling Shel Silverstein's "Falling Up" by way of Comedy Central's "South Park," Burkland's collection of bawdy rhymes is as clever as it is irreverent, skewering the politically correct at every turn. Never crossing the line into the profane, he is able to entertain while pushing the limits of the crude, silly, and sophomoric. Perfect bite-sized nuggets of hilarity that are sure to leave you laughing out loud, Rhymes My Mother Never Told Me tickles the funny bone as it challenges the status quo. Wonderfully playful and always mischievous, Burkland's debut defiantly thumbs its nose at the world of propriety and decorum. This collection features beloved classics such as: "Sweet Bread Farts," where Nick's special talent is having the gas he passes smell like freshly baked maple bars; "Tony's Tiny Bladder," where a boy with a tiny bladder goes from disgraced pants-wetter to superhero; and "Sammy Squirrel's Tragic Picnic," where Sammy Squirrel and his animal friends are enjoying a tasty picnic...until a speeding truck puts an end to their fun. The author turns the world on its head to find humor in the oddest of places. Illustrations by Duncan Beedie bring to life the wonderfully twisted world of taunting floaters, adventurous boogers, untimely sneezes and squirrels in imminent danger. Rhymes My Mother Never Told Me includes; Sweet Bread Farts Sammy Squirrel's Tragic Picnic When I sleep, I drool A Baby and his Coffee The Epic Tale of Nate's Booger Egg Salad Toes Jimmy vs. The Floater The Impact of Old Age on Jack, Who Was Once a Nimble Boy The Poop Between Her Toes An Untimely Sneeze The 7th Planet Big Bird and Barney Makeshift Candle The Zit on the Wart on My Chin Idunno & Idontcare Underwear Art Nose Hair Back Splash Sniffer the Dog Distinctive Chins Urinal Cakes An Older Sister's Perspective Santa's Annual Check-up My Spleen Does Very Little Scab Picker (and Eater) Tony's Tiny Bladder Misplacing Baby Emily While Finding a Deal on Beef Stew

Sascha Martin's Rocket-Ship: A hilarious sci fi action and adventure book for kids (Catastrophes drawn from the diary of Sascha Martin: inventor, genius, and grade 2 science monitor. 1)

The audiobook of Sascha Martin's Rocket-Ship is free when you download this Kindle book!

Eight year old Sascha Martin is always inventing things, so he knows how they work. Mostly. For class news time he brings in a rocket that towers over everyone, including the teacher ... but he's written "Don't touch!" on the rocket, so what could possibly go wrong?

"The story is 'poetry in motion' for rocket ships! Manuela Pentangelo has visually interpreted John's verse with all the best icons from rocketry and science in the gorgeous illustrations." Samantha Ridgway, scientist, mother, and record-holding Australian rocketeer.

This children's picture book is ideal for kids age 8-10, but readers of all ages, from beginners to preteens to adults, will love this wild, funny, deliciously silly adventure wrapped in verse that rhymes and Manuela Pentangelo's beautiful full colour artwork. Inside, you'll find a link to the free audiobook, so if you lose your voice reading Sascha Martin's Rocket-Ship aloud, the audiobook can take over.

"Delightful, rhyming story that keeps your fingers turning the pages." E. C. Kraeft, author of White Castle (Book One in her Elf Kingdoms series of children's books).

"I am the mother to an energetic young reader that loves all things books. I am constantly looking for new titles that we can read together and I believe I have struck gold with this one! ... I was pleasantly surprised to discover the book rhymed throughout (we love rhymes!) and I must add that they are very well done! This book does a great job at turning an already fun story into one that you can practically sing together (which does wonders with a toddler!!)." Thomai Dion, author of the Think-a-Lot Tots early science readers.

Sascha Martin's Rocket-Ship is the first in a fun new series of children's science fiction action and adventure books, about a kid who knows just enough to be really, really dangerous!

Author Q&A

Why do you write stories in verse?

Well I'm compelled to write them. I don't decide to write stories in verse. It's something my mind does in the background. I'll suddenly realise there's this rhyming couplet in my mind and that it's been there for a while, and it's the start of a story. Then I have to work out the rest of that story, all in verse, and that's just hard work. But it begins unconsciously. Mind you, I do love rhythm and rhyme and poetry. Kids do, too. There's a poetry-shaped hole in everyone, as an Australian poet once said, and I think that's right.

What draws you to science fiction?

I've always loved scifi. It's what I read as a kid, as a teen, what I read now. Along with mystery and suspense. Scifi sets kids free so their imagination is the only limit. Monsters, aliens, dinosaurs, time travel, travel to the stars, portals to other worlds; you can have all that. With science fiction, kids are free to go anywhere in the universe - in any 'verse, and it seem there might be lots of universes out there. As many universes as there are kids, at least. It's a bit like magic. Kids love magic, and there are lots of kids who love sci fi. It's cool. Sci fi is cool.

What's coming up in the Series?

Time Travel next, and lots of kids humor. Book 2 is Sascha Martin's Time Machine. Sascha invents a machine to take his class back in time, and of course there's a glitch. There'll be an interactive version for Kindle. It's a really exciting project, and the results are pretty funny. But it will only work on Kindle devices - Kindle readers or Fire tablets - because the software's restricted to Kindle hardware.Other books in the series have bizarre balls, zombies, aliens, dinosaurs, space-ships and portals, a bit of an apocalypse. So much action adventure. But one of the books is really embarrassing, super-embarrassing, so kids will cringe even as they're laughing. Illustrating books takes time, but there'll be plenty of free sneak previews along the way so kids can get a glimpse of what's to come.

What Reggie Did on the Weekend: Seriously! (The Reggie Books Book 1)

On the weekend I looked for a new book. I always read the description first because, you know, I won't read just any old thing. So I read the description for this book and thought it looked okay, so then I read the online sample and laughed so hard that a little bit of pee came out. Okay, a lot of pee came out. ALRIGHT! I PEED SO MUCH I HAD TO CHANGE MY PANTS! There, are you happy now? It's funny, okay? And it isn't all about vomit and farts either (okay, a lot of it is about vomit and farts, but what's wrong with that?)

*Every Monday at school, Reggie writes an essay that begins with "On the weekend..." WARNING: You might want to have a spare pair of undies handy while you read about Reggie's weekends.*

49 Excuses for Not Tidying Your Bedroom (The 49... Series Book 1)

Is your bedroom a tip?... Did you forget to tidy?... Can you hear the sound of parental footsteps getting closer and closer?... Here's 49 (extremely silly) excuses for not tidying your bedroom!

Join the comical adventure of these mischievous kids who will try absolutely anything to get away with not tidying their bedrooms. With an illustration for each haphazard attempt, you're guaranteed to laugh, smirk, and chuckle for hours.

Disclaimer: reading this eBook will probably make you giggle, but won't help you get away with having a messy bedroom.

Recommended Age: 10+

Foggy's Blog

Story Stack: Action-packed story starters for ages 6-8 and 9-12

Not sure what to get the kids to read next? Let them decide! Story Stack includes Chapters 1-4 of the following fun, fast-paced and popular illustrated chapter books by Karen Inglis: Henry Haynes and the Great Escape (for 6-8yrs) | Eeek! The Runaway Alien (for 7-10yrs) | Chapter 1 of Walter Brown and the Magician's Hat (for 7-9yrs) PLUS Chapters 1-3 of The Secret Lake (for 8-12 yrs). The Secret Lake is Karen's bestselling time travel mystery adventure story, enjoyed by over 7,000 readers. Karen has been praised by teachers, librarians, parents and reading charities for getting the most reluctant readers turning the pages. Full books available to order in print and/or for Kindle once the kids have had their say :)

Order with one click for free today - we think the kids and preteens will be back for more...!

A Very Foggy Christmas

I am Morten Astley Fogarty - insurance complaint handler, part-time barista and all-round entertainer. My career at the Perypils call centre has really taken off since my colleagues all voted for me to leave the team and transfer to complaints; I was chuffed to bits at being chosen! I love helping our customers resolve their concerns and as I've only received three death threats so far, I'm clearly doing something right. On Sundays, I work with an extremely talented Chef, Joe, who trained under the calming influence of Gordon Ramsay. Joe's party-trick is to hurl his bread knife through the kitchen hatch towards my head. He always deliberately misses, of course; we do have such fun! My girlfriend, Myra, is a wonderful actress and our director has tried her in lots of different positions. I know Myra is desperate to secure a leading part in our Christmas production, The Wizard of Oz and she has been scouring eBay for ruby slippers, size 9. Let's hope she can continue to satisfy the director!

The Crew

APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEPTIVE - as Paul Jarvis of the National Football Intelligence Unit is only too well aware. He knows that Billy Evans is no ordinary East End lad made good. He's also a thug, a villain and a cop killer. Jarvis just hasn't been able to prove it... Yet.

So when Jarvis discovers that Evans is putting together a hooligan 'Super Crew' to follow England to Italy, he feels sure he can finally put Evans behind bars - if only someone can infiltrate the Crew and get him the proof he needs.

But nothing is ever that simple. The Crew believe Evans is just out for a full-on riot. Jarvis thinks he's trafficking drugs. But Billy Evans is always one step ahead. He has another plan. And it will be catastrophic for everyone concerned.

EXCEPT HIM.

Don't forget that the sequel to The Crew, TOP DOG, is also available to download from amazon.

Cat Trivia: Funny Facts

What can be funnier than cats? Cat trivia! That's what. Funny cartoons and fun trivia explore the cool world of cats.

The Mucky Princess

Sergeant Smelly & Captain Chunder Save The Day

Will the evil Onionman conquer the world and fulfil his dream of world domination? Will Sergeant Smelly's fire-farts defeat the evil forces of doom and despair? Can the newly formed superhero duo of Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder save the day? Will farting ever stop being funny? Find out the answers to these questions and many more in the hilarious adventures of Sergeant Smelly and Captain Chunder.

Love and Chaos: (Standalone Bad Boy Romance) (Growing Pains Book 4)

From USA Today Bestselling author, Willow Summers, is a hilarious and steamy romance.

It was supposed to be easy. Just a quick trip to the wine country to help her good friend, Peter.

She never expected to meet his bad boy brother...

Muscled, tattooed, and riding a Harley, Jace has Cassie's heart racing and blood boiling. Struggling to keep her desire on a tight leash, she must do everything she can to keep Peter's secret. But resisting that dimpled smile is harder than she could've ever imagined...

A standalone book based on the bestselling Growing Pains series. HEA. No cliffhanger!

151+ Blonde Jokes: Funny Blonde Jokes

The Funniest Blonde Jokes in the World!Did you know that laughing can have a positive physical and mental effects on the body! Laughter can lower blood pressure, lighten tense situations, and help you bond with friends and family. Jokes, humor, and comedy come in many forms. Whether it is a few funny jokes, a silly joke book, or a funny movie, we can all benefit from the positive effects of comedy and humor! You'll love this hilarious joke book. Share a funny joke with a friend today!151+ funny blonde jokesHilarious blonde insults and humorHours of funny jokes and entertainmentAre you looking for funny and hilarious blonde jokes?With this MASSIVE collection of funny blonde jokes you can make everyone laugh! This book full of funny blonde jokes is perfect for any occasion. You and your friends will laugh for hours at this funny joke book.Uses for funny jokes...Can aid in story-tellingGreat for conversation startersImproves conversation and social skillsCan make others laugh, smile, and be more playfulCan lighten tense moods and create repoire with othersLaugh until it hurts...Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?A: Someone said that the drinks were on the house.Funny Blonde Jokes!Q: How would a blonde kill a fish?A: She would try to drown it.HAHA!Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?A: Put her in front of a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say hello.Funny Blonde Jokes!Q: Why don't blondes like audio-books?A: There are no pictures.HAHA!Q: What is dumber than the blonde jokes above?A: Me for wasting hours editing and typing these damn things.Funny Blonde Jokes!LOL Funny Jokes ClubThe LOL Funny Jokes Club is dedicated to comedy. We'll tickle your funny bone with our side-splitting jokes and humor. Whether it's funny and hilarious one-liners, dirty adult jokes, or laugh-out-loud rib tickling knee slappers, the LOL Funny Jokes Club does it all! Laugh until it hurts!Scroll up and click "buy" to start laughing now!Tags: blonde jokes, b

Sound of Mind: Adventures in Schizophrenia

Sound of Mind - adventures in schizophrenia is a book I wrote about my mental illness, and the nature of my thoughts and delusions. It is my experience of being committed in a mental asylum before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I hope this may help you understand insanity a little better. I would like to show how far I fell, and since then, how successful my treatment has been and how important it is to never give up hope.

Angus Adams: the adventures of a free-range kid: Volume 1 (The Free-Range Kid Mysteries)

As a free range kid, Angus is allowed to do things other kids his age aren't - like play in the street and hang out at the park without adults (shock, horror!) But when he's accused of stealing an iPhone from school, Angus must use all of his brains, resilience, and courage to catch the real thief, clear his name, and outwit the seriously bad dudes hot on his tail!

101 Dirty Jokes - sexual and adult's jokes

Sex and humor. 101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

134.2 QI Facts to Leave You Flabbergasted: Free EBook Sampler

'This may look like a free ebook sampler, but it's actually a portal. While you may read this in just twenty minutes, each little nugget is only the visible tip of an information iceberg.'

In this free ebook sampler to accompany the new book 1,342 QI Facts To Leave You Flabbergasted, come face-to-face with some of the most mind-blowing facts in the QI universe, such as: The sun gets 4 million tons lighter every second; The first scientifically named dinosaur bone was called Scrotum humanum because it looked like a giant pair of human testicles; A 'batman' was a unit of weight in the Ottoman Empire. Ben Affleck weighs about nine batmans; Making all the chain mail for The Lord of the Rings wore the costume designers' fingerprints away.

Enjoy the incredible world of QI facts.

Revolting Rhymers: Competition Winners

The Winning Entries of the most REVOLTING Poetry Competition!



To celebrate the BBC's new two-part animation of Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes, the Roald Dahl Literary Estate launched a poetry competition with a twist, asking chiddlers far and wide to submit their most revolting - and humorous rhymes. We were inundated with thousands of disgusterous entries! To discover our winners, we waded through burps, farts and rotten eggs; bogies, vile stew and goo to find the funniest and most revolting specimens. This eBook contains the creme de la phlegm-hand picked by children's author, songwriter and McFly frontman, Tom Fletcher, and Wales's Children's Poet Laureate, Anni Llyn.

A huge thank you to our revolting partners Puffin Books, the National Literacy Trust, Literature Wales, Magic Light, and the Roald Dahl Museum and Story Centre for all their help and support!

The Future and Why We Should Avoid It: Killer Robots, the Apocalypse and Other Topics of Mild Concern

The future holds many unknowns: advances in medical technology, increased airport security and critical new inventions like sentient, polygraph-enabled, wireless toasters. Luckily, Maclean's columnist Scott Feschuk has written a survival guide -- part how-to manual, part product guide, part apocalypse analysis and part sardonic observation -- to help us navigate these troubled times. Or at least make us laugh while we try. The Future and Why We Should Avoid It envisions the daunting, depressing era we have to look forward to with the best of Feschuk's musings on aging, death, technology, inventions, health and leisure. Combining quizzes, voiceovers and speeches, and employing snark, innuendo, toilet humor and shameless mockery -- because how else do you cope with the fact that one day you will die? -- Feschuk contemplates the fate of humanity and the planet in the upcoming years, poking fun, provoking thought and dredging up silver linings in even the darkest forecasts.

Whom God Would Destroy

A to Z of Silly Animals - The Best Selling Illustrated Children's Book for All Ages by Sprogling (The Silly Animals Series 1)

A wonderfully silly A to Z picture book of ridiculous mythical animals.

The charming, original illustrations and witty captions are sure to delight children of all ages as well as parents.

Enjoy the A to Z of Silly Animals with your child today!

Lily Loves to Love: ROM-COM FUN FICTION

Have you ever read a book and thought I do not want the main character to end up with the predictable hero? I wish she had gotten with the other man instead. Well here is your chance to change that scenario and choose whom you would like Lily to love. In this book, many comical things tend to happen to and around Lily Lockhart. As she deals with her job, her love life and her family, not to mention her friends so like a lot of us, she is simply an ordinary woman trying to survive this modern world and not always getting it right before mistakes come back to bite her on the bum. As the quirky but loveable girl just cannot help herself sometimes. This is all before trying her hand at a spot of charity work, when she decides that life is far too short to spend it selfishly.

At the start of the year, she ends her engagement and before long, there is plenty of male interest heading her way. We are talking 'The Handsome One' (Sean) and 'The Funny One' (Tom). In addition, there is also 'The Rich One' (Peter) but Lily cannot choose between them. Therefore, in the closing chapters, it is down to you 'the reader' to decide who wins Lily's heart since there is a fun multiple-choice style ending to the story. Will you pick the boyfriend, the best friend or the boss? Only one problem, she is pregnant so 'who's the daddy'.

McSorely's Evil Tea

Did you ever think your next cup of tea could be evil? Well I'm sorry to be the one to tell you it could! Join the young Sky Swift as she gets pulled into a madcap adventure by McSorely's Tea company. McSorelys make the finest tea, evil tea that is! Sky's world changes forever when their top agent, the hapless Mister Snickering pays a visit to her home. He is on a mission and by the time he leaves, things will never be the same again for Sky and her mother. Stalked by an evil tea bag and chased by an evil tea company that will stop at nothing to get her. They want her for their evil plan. Sky is in trouble. She needs help. But who can she turn to? Go on have a sup of McSorelys, you'll never look at tea the same again.

The Wasp Flinger

Books for Kids: Zack and Zebo - Book One: Kids Fantasy Books, Kids Mystery Books, Kids Adventure Books, Kids Bedtime Stories, Kids Free Stories, Kids Series Books for Ages 4-8, 6-8, 9-12

Out. Of. This. World.

Zack Benefeld is a normal sixth grader, living in a normal house with his normal family.

But when Zebo, a CBS (Child Behavioral Specialist) from the planet Threa, comes to Earth to study Zack, he gets much more than he planned on...

Best Jokes 2014

One hundred of hilarious and funny jokes !

Have fun and laugh!

A Corpse in the Soup: A Silver Sisters Mystery (Silver Sisters Mysteries Book 1)

Battling Chefs, Twin Sleuths, Old Magicians and MURDER!An award-winning Silver Sisters MysteryTake several chefs with names like Caesar Romano, Biff Wellington, Moishe Matsumoto and Toulouse Jankowsky, add sleuthing silver-haired Mae West lookalike twins with a nose for trouble, a couple of well-aged vaudeville magicians, Waldo the Wonder Dog, and a bunch of quirky characters, and season with a heaping cup of jealousy, a pinch of intrigue, a smidgen of history and a ruthless villain. Model after "over-the-top" TV cooking shows and stir well. You get a recipe for an amusing, fast paced, funny romp through the world of TV chefs in search of a killer. Visit http://silversistersmysteries.blogspot.com and http://funnycrimecapers.blogspot.com for more info and updates.

??? Who are the Silver Sisters?Identical fifty-something twins--identical on the outside, very different on the inside, who can't resist a mystery GOLDIE SILVER, an over-the-hill flower child, owns an antique store in Juneau, Alaska. Kind, sweet Goldie loves to investigate, but looks for the good in every situation. GODIVA OLIVIA DUBOIS, a wealthy Beverly Hills widow, writes the syndicated advice to the lovelorn column "Ask .G.O.D." (her initials). Self-serving and manipulative, she always figures the angles and usually gets what she wants..

??? Who are the aging magicians?The twins' feisty 80 year-old mother FLOSSIE SILVER and UNCLE STERLING SILVER, who were part of the vaudeville act "The Scintillating Silvers" when the twins' father, Harry Silver was alive. He was one of the "4 Great Harry's of Magic." They still perform a magic act every Thursday at the Hollywood Home for Has-Beens with Waldo the Wonder Dog and love to dress in disguise and go undercover. #mysteryseries #mystery #humor

Scroll up and grab a copy today. - Kindle, paperback or audio -- MP3 and CD

Canned: How I Lost Ten Jobs In Ten Years and Learned to Love Unemployment (2nd Revised Edition)

They tell you to "do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life." But what if the thing you love is "not having a job"?

From blue collar to white collar, Franklin Schneider has had every kind of job, and been fired from them all. Internet start-up. 24-hour adult bookstore. Television writer. Assembly line at a cookie factory. Telemarketer. The dreaded, ubiquitous cubicle, many times. Schneider was fired so many times that he spent the majority of his twenties on unemployment. He is extremely proud of this, though he'd never say it out loud. "Canned" is the inspirational story of an adulting fail - several of them, in fact. It will either make you feel much, much better about your 9-to-5 fluorescent-lit ennui, or much, much worse.

This is the book for you, if you're a fan of: George Orwell's "Down and Out in Paris and London," the self-immolation of late stage capitalism, the Cam'ron song "I Hate My Job," working for six months and then getting unemployment checks for a year, Charles Bukowski, the fifteen hour workweek, getting blackout drunk and hurling a lawnmower through the picture window of your ex-boss's house, Michel Houellebecq, the surprisingly Marxist undertones of Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," things that cost exactly $3.99, makeshift break room tiramisu made from crushed Twinkies, instant coffee, and stolen yogurt, Mikhail Lermontov, abruptly throwing yourself onto the third rail while waiting for your morning train, hate-reading Dilbert comics, "The Office" (the funny one, not the American version), universal basic income, "Tropic of Capricorn" by Henry Miller, bad attitudes, shoplifting from Wal-Mart, saying "on the dole" even if you're not British, that scene from "Seinfeld" where George and Jerry are trying to think of a new career for George, using lots of emojis and novelty fonts on your resume, ironic poverty, "Journey to the End of the Night" by Louis-Ferdinand Celine, the more depressing stories in the Raymond Carver oeuvre, or the theory of surplus value.

Bex Carter 1: Aunt Jeanie's Revenge (The Bex Carter Series)

Thirteen-year-old Bex Carter has a lot on her plate. Her biggest challenge is living with her Aunt Jeanie. As much as Bex tries to please her aunt, they always seem to butt heads. Sometimes Bex feels as if Aunt Jeanie goes out of her way to make her life miserable. Aunt Jeanie enrolls Bex in a social group called the Silver Roses, a group that's supposed to teach young girls how to be proper ladies. It turns out to be nothing more than a club for snobs. Bex wants out, but she's made a deal with Aunt Jeanie. Will Bex take a stand against the Silver Roses or will their snobbery rub off on her? Grades 5-8

The Epic Santa Chase: An Angus Adams Christmas Short Story

What would you do if a thief in a Santa costume took off with your iPad? If you're anything like Angus Adams, you might embark on a wild chase across the city, although perhaps not with a giant chicken and a nun in tow. Determined to stop the thief, Angus uses everything he's got and more. This fast paced story will have you running alongside him right up until the surprise ending that you won't see coming.

(A Christmas short-story for kids 9-12 years.)

Funny Stories for Kids: Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves: (Kid's Books, Books For Kids, Children, Fractured Fairy Tales, Parody Books, Free Teen Books, Fiction Books for Teens, Humorous Books)

What would the story of "Snow White" be like if the princess was an idiot, the evil queen was completely incompetent, and the dwarves, instead of being happy and silly, were instead super gross and mean? The answer: "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves," a comedy short story that is so awesome you'll have to read it to believe it. (Brought to you by the famed Dweezel and Pallie.)

"[A] funny and clever little book... I like this version even better than the original story."

Chytach18, Reviewer for OnlineBookClub.org

"An amazing story, and hilariously funny to boot, perfect for kids and adults alike!"

Angela, Amazon UK reader

"It made me laugh. Grossed me out. Then makes you laugh some more."

Thelma Coots, Amazon reader

"One word : FUNNY! A new way of reading Snow White"

Isienie V., Amazon reader

*****

Take your expectations for a fairy tale and throw them out the window! A noble prince? Lame. A humble princess? What a loser! A happy ending? You wish. This eBook is way better than all that. It will make you giggle, laugh, and ask for more. Either that, or it will make you scream for it all to stop. The only way to know is to read it. Download "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" now!

The Funny Stories for Kids series, written/recorded by Dr. Dexter Dweezel and Professor Parnassus Pallie, is an ongoing effort to make fairy tales less crappy. "Lily White and the Horrible Dwarves" is the first in this series, with more to come.

**Note: This story is not for babies. It can be crude, and has jokes about butts, poo, and drunk people. It also has a bit of cartoony violence. There is no swearing or sexual activity. If this story had a MPGG rating it would probably be PG, and would be comparable to a modern episode of the Simpsons.**

Dog Joke Book by Charlie the Cavalier: (FREE Puppet Download Included!): Hilarious Jokes (Best Clean Joke Books for Kids) (Charlie the Cavalier Best Joke Books) (Charlie the Cavalier Joke Books 3)

Charlie the Cavalier Books Presents Best Joke Books

100+ Child Friendly Dog Jokes for Kids!

Charlie the Cavalier is a family friendly dog that bring smiles to children's faces. Charlie brings to you family friendly jokes to make kids and adults smile. Enjoy this book with the children in your life.

Amazon Prime Members can borrow this book for FREE!

oGreat for Road Trips

oRead in Waiting Rooms

oRead Before nap time

oRead at bed time

oGreat for a vacation

A few Jokes From This Funny Joke Book...

Question: What dog loves to take bubble baths?

Answer: A shampoodle!



Question: What do you call a litter of young dogs who have come in from the snow?

Answer: Slush puppies!



Question: What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

Answer: Cockerpoodledoo!

Scroll up and click 'buy' to read these funny jokes!

For each Charlie the Cavalier and 50 Things to Know book that is sold (not including free days), 10 cents is given to teaching and learning. Go to 50ThingsToKnow.com/GivingBack to find out more.

poetry book: Einstein’s Cat: short book of funny, illustrated, original quick read poems (Get Your Wordsworth 1)

If Ogden Nash, Dr. Seuss and Friedrich Neitzsche got together to write a book of poetry for emerging adults, they'd probably be disappointed to find Tom Skinner had beaten them to the punch.

For children with inquisitive minds and a sense of adventure, this book of offbeat poetry blends creativity and entertaining turns of phrases to get readers aged 8-15 to think outside any boxes convention may impose.

Taking off on the works of the wild-haired Father of Physics, Einstein's Cat erases the equation from the blackboard and gives your children permission to think on their own. Yes, a clean slate!

This collection of poems will ignite your kids to reason on their own while developing unique views of life with its inconsistencies, diversity and immutable wonder.

Praise for Skinner's work:

'As a teacher, I know that kids and teens love ideas from left field, a play on words that makes them giggle, and stretches their creative language skills. Tom's book lifts poetry, puns and ideas from the ordinariness of life, to playful comments and musings...'

'I love Shel Silverstein books (who doesn't). But this book is something more, something different. The poems are full of voluptuous words and pleasurable word play that sit in your mouth like pieces of melting chocolate. Yes, they are that good.'

Some writers mistakenly talk down to young readers, while Tom speaks with his audience in a unique voice that is refreshing, encouraging, and adventurous.

So go ahead and read along with your kids and wrap your brains around such works as Einstein's Cat, Woks Happ'ning Bro? and Stop and Smell the (Grumpy) Roses.

Einstein's Cat is the first standalone book in the unconventional poetry-prose fusion collection, Get Your Wordsworth.

***For a limited time, you can get the latest book in the Get Your Wordsworth poetry collection, Overload, for free - click here to find out more > http://bit.do/TomsWordPlayRocks (just copy and paste into your browser)***

Interview with the AuthorQ - So, what makes the Get Your Wordsworth series special?

A - When I set out to write these books, I wanted to create a new type of poetry. A poetry-prose hybrid that was much less rigid, formal or technical than the traditional model and one that did not bore the buttocks off bright young people.

Overall, the Get Your Wordsworth series is designed for those, young and old alike, who appreciate the English language in all its nuanced, layered and textured glory and who can handle a judicious mix of the super silly and gently philosophical all imbued with a healthy dose of wry and dry humor!

Q - What order should I read the books in?

A - I've written the series so you can read the books in any order. If you do want to read them in the order they were written:

- Einstein's Cat

- Pavlov's Dog

- It's Slapstick

- Plain Crazy

- Too Much TV

- Tractor Gate

- Overload

Q - So, why should readers give these books a try?

A - Because the Get Your Wordsworth series is for mavericks and early adopters who are looking for urban, contemporary poetry prose with a twist for Generation Z who may not have the time, attention or inclination for more traditional poetry styles.

Ultimately, readers who think poetry is a tad tedious but who enjoy wit, whimsy, puns, satire and wordplay in a highly succinct, quick-read format, will get a kick out of this series.

Q - Can readers get the whole series in one go?

A - Sure. I've put together a box-set bundle if people want to save a little moolah and grab the first six books in one swoop. Check out my author page here at Amazon for more details, and a full list of my available titles.











Best IPhone Memes: (Memes and Jokes)

Best IPhone Memes

Free Funny the eBook: Writing Comedy, Jokes, and Humor for Business, Public Speaking, or Just for Laughs

Do funny people have an advantage in business?

Yes. But only if you know what you're doing. Research has shown the ability to make others laugh builds better business relationships. Humor can put the nervous at ease, make an important point, and create an overall more enjoyable workplace. But only if you know what you're doing.

Have you ever wondered how humor works?

Free Funny the eBook offers an easy to follow explanation of Comic Structure. It goes into the process of how the human mind creates false expectations, and then how it can be surprised by the unexpected. Understanding how humor works is the first step to knowing what you're doing.

Have you ever wanted to write the funny at will?

This ebook applies Comic Structure to a step by step comedy writing system the Humor Generator. With this process anyone, even you, can learn to write the funny at will. All you have to do is follow the logical path of creating a false expectation and then revealing a surprise.

Free Funny the ebook gives you the tools to be appropriately humorous at work, in relationships, and life because you'll know what you're doing.

Two Legs, Three Legs, Four Legs: More Rescue Dog Stories With Duncan the Canine Tripod and his Friends Seamus, Shannon and Minnie (The Long, The Short and The Tall Book 2)

Meet the "Gang of Four", Seamus, Shannon, Minnie and Duncan the Canine Tripod.

All Rescue Dogs, they became firm friends over the years. Their story was told in Book One. "The Long, The Short and The Tall. Life with Rescue Dogs."

Now the Gang rides again! Read some more of their stories: happy stories, scary stories, but always true stories. Enjoy a walk out with them over Pendle Hill. Learn how Duncan almost lost another leg!

Whether you laugh or cry, this book will move you. Whether you laugh or cry, this book will move you.

Best Memes and Jokes Book

Best Memes and Jokes Book

Confessions of a Queen B*: Volume 1 (The Queen B*)

Alexis Wyndham is the other type of Queen B-the Queen B*tch. After years of being the subject of ridicule, she revels in her ability to make the in-crowd cower via the exposes on her blog, The Eastline Spy. Now that she's carved out her place in the high school hierarchy, she uses her position to help the unpopular kids walking the hallways. Saving a freshman from bullies? Check. Swapping insults with the head cheerleader? Check. Falling for the star quarterback? So not a part of her plan. But when Brett offers to help her solve the mystery of who's posting X-rated videos from the girls' locker room, she'll have to swallow her pride and learn to see past the high school stereotypes she's never questioned-until now."

Dating an Alien Pop Star

Daisy Kirkwood has only just escaped her small-town life and run away to New York City, the land of last-minute secret gigs at famous musical venues, when she's kidnapped by aliens. Unfortunately, no one ever writes about how to handle alien abduction in those fancy NYC guidebooks. Griffin and Dev are supermassively sexy aliens from a politically and environmentally troubled planet who arrive on Earth with very little knowledge about human ways other than what they learned from a wayward "E! News" signal. Their mission is to pretend to be the most influential people on the planet English pop stars, of course! and gain the help of a powerful secret society. Upon arriving, they abduct Daisy Kirkwood, a nerdy young woman who loves music but could seriously use a bit of help in the love-life department. Though Griffin and Daisy initially squabble, neither can deny the intergalactic sparks whenever they're too close to each other. Together, they must face murderous aliens, cultural misunderstandings, bad backup musicians, and the dark side of fame and the media, all set against a tight deadline Part "High Fidelity," part "Bridget Jones' Diary," part "Doctor Who," "Dating an Alien Pop Star" is a sexy romantic comedy."

Affirmation | The 100 Most Powerful Affirmations for Mood Swings — With 3 Positive Daily Self Affirmation Bonus Books on Self Improvement, Humor & Love

Give a Gift That Will Change Your Life Forever.Give Yourself or Someone You Love, The Gift of Affirmations...

You will not achieve fulfillment and happiness until YOU become the architect of your own reality. Imagine that with a few moments each day, you could begin the powerful transformation toward complete control of your own life and well being through positive affirmation. Because you can.

You will be able to release all fear and doubt simply because you know that you can. Utilize this simple, proven technique to regain the lost comforts of joy, love, and fulfillment in your life.

You have the ability to unlock your full inner-potential and achieve your ultimate goals. This is the age-old secret of the financial elite, world class scholars, and Olympic champions. For example, when you watch the Olympics, you'll find one consistency in all of the champions. Each one closes their eyes for a moment and clearly affirms & visualizes themselves completing the event flawlessly just before starting. Then they win gold medals and become champions. That's merely one example of how the real power of affirmation can elevate you above any of life's challenges.

Life is too short to be exhausted on thousands of everyday anxieties and fears. Sadly, the average person will get to the end of their life and realize that more than half of it was spent struggling with these kind of problems. Because they didn't know what to do, many of these people never found any satisfaction in life. You can and will become bigger than those struggles by enhancing the energy that already flows within you.

Too often people are held hostage and limited by a cycle of negative thinking and pessimism. This kind of thinking creates a streak of what many choose to call, "bad luck". I have good news for you. There is no such thing as "bad luck". This phenomenon is merely a cycle of negative affirmation that must be broken and mended with a fresh regimen of positive affirmation and vision. By repeating and remembering these affirmations in times of difficulty, we transform our rigid affirmations of defeat and intimidation into warm, confident manifestations of the world as we choose it to be.

Get what you want and desire from the world like millions of others around the globe using affirmations. You already possess the power to assert your own perceptions and transform your thoughts and desires into reality. By using positive affirmations daily, you will unlock that natural potential inside of you.

Remember, anything you think or say is an affirmation. Your everyday negative thoughts are powerfully damaging affirmations that can do grievous harm to your precious well-being. You must learn to let them go now. By keeping a cycle of positive affirmations in your mind, you leave no available room for the old cycle of negative affirmations to repeat and take effect. As you transform your stream of consciousness into a positive way of thinking, your life will be wildly enriched and transformed by positive affirmations becoming the truth that you demanded them to be.

If you want to see positive change now, you'll find the quickest path to fulfillment with positive affirmation and visualization. There is no time to spend on loss, negativity, and defeat when you can be achieving tangible, historically proven results with minimum time and effort invested.

There is no limit to changes that can be made through the power of creating truth with affirmation.

Read This Book To Change Your Life Today!

Also Available in Paperback Format ?

Available to Read on Your Phone, Tablet, Computer, eReader & More ?

Crudely Drawn Conclusions

Reading this book backwards takes time and dedication but it may lead to some kind of clarity in your life. It has also been rumored to cure obscure forms of cancer we don't even know about yet. These statements have not been evaluated or studied by the FDA.

This book has the same healing properties as any holy book ever printed.

Mostly this book contains semi-entertaining and quasi- offensive essays designed to provide a few chuckles.



Time travel!

Poorly constructed assumptions concerning abortion!

The reproductive habits of the American male and female are discussed!

Modern Slavery!

A generous helping of self-loathing!

A reticulated python bites someone!

The ongoing abuse of our elderly relatives in nursing homes by overly amorous vegetarians is discussed!

I run for President!

I think there is something in there about a Tiger!

I provide all of the answers for the afterlife!

I think there may be some zombies toward the end.

Burn's World - In every love triangle, a heart must break : A romantic suspense, Interracial romance book: (Book 1)

"If you've ever stalked your ex on Facebook, or cried when the man you loved married another, then you will love Burn's World." Amazon Reviewer for romantic crime stories

******

"If you've ever stalked your ex on Facebook, or cried when the man you loved married another, then you will love Burn's World." Amazon Reviewer

*********

When the school star athlete, blue-eyed, blonde haired, Brody McGraw asks Burn out, she can hardly believe her luck. Brody is crazy about Burn, she is crazy about Brody, and it is a huge thrill to finally change her relationship status on Facebook to 'In a relationship.'

However, Brody's mother has huge political plans for her family, and she makes it clear that they do not include someone like mixed-race Burn. Because of Dawn's rejection, Burn suffers severe bouts of self-loathing and eventually makes a decision that breaks her heart - she walks away from Brody and his racist family. Brody is crushed and tries desperately to change Burn's mind.

Enter Trojan Catrell, a street thug, and an enemy of Brody McGraw. He's noticed Brody and Burn together, and since he holds a grudge against the over privileged Brody, he decides that he's going to make Burn his. Bad boy Trojan sets about wooing Burn.

There's a problem: Burn's not interested in Trojan and his tattoos. Her heart still longs for Brody McGraw, despite everything. There's a bigger problem: Trojan has no intention of taking no for an answer. In fact, when Burn rejects him, he becomes obsessed with her, especially since he's never been rejected by a woman before.

Then there's an even bigger problem: Brody is furious at Trojan's gall, and swears to find a way to get even with Trojan.

Then there's an even bigger problem, huge! Trojan is possessive, jealous and dangerous. He is not someone you should cross. Ever.

Yet ... Burn manages to cross him. The result is an explosion of epic proportion.

Book Two of Burn's World - When You Touch Me Like That, is available for sale and is free on kindleunlimited.

Reviews:

"Once you read this book every other book you read after it pales in comparison."

"If you see Eve Rabi as the author of a book, you can guarantee it will be well worth the money to read. Her Burn series are exciting, sensual, and realistic." Amazon reviewer

"Very good read. I just started reading it yesterday and I just couldn't put it down."

"This book was great. Rabi writing was unique and interesting. I was laughing and reading, even took a longer break just to keep reading."

"I loved it. I laughed, I got angry enough to pause my kindle, and I cried. I'm a picky reader and I'm glad this book didn't leave me asking for a refund."

"This is a smokin' hot series. I am addicted, I can't wait for each book."

YouTube video:

http://youtu.be/JAXPeXrP5

Have you got Eve's Rabi's free books? If you haven't, click on www.everabi.wordpress.com & for a limited time download 4 free books!

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Rio Olympics Memes: (Best Memes Ever!)

Rio Olympics Memes

Sinister Inventions (For Smoother Living)

Innocence, the stupidest boy in the world, is convinced killer mosquitoes from the sun are coming to destroy Earth. So he sets out on a quest to persuade Liquorice, a reclusive inventor girl, to sew up the hole in the Ozone layer to keep them out. Together they must save the world! (If only Liquorice would take him seriously...)

It's got KitKat-addicted pheasants, it's got a space rocket, it's got mouldy orange juice, it's got a shady-eyed, evil boss... And yes, it's even got a curly-whiskered cat called Dame Bartholomew Crustacean!

The Haunted Dollhouse (The Ghost Store)

Lottie Landers is 15 years old. She can see ghosts and she helps them with any unfinished business.

In this first story, Lottie's dad brings a dollhouse into the family store. A ghost is attached to it. It doesn't take Lottie long to connect with the ghost, but when she does, her heart fills with sadness.

This is going to be a difficult case for Lottie, but she is determined to help the ghost.

Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!: (Best Jokes)

Jokes, Jokes, Jokes!

Jokes about family.

Jokes about sports.

Jokes about school.

Jokes about food.

Jokes about technology.

Jokes about the workplace.

Plays on words.

Jokes about sex.

Sooner or Later...You Will Get Caught

**SHORT STORY**TRUE STORY

Kids often do things they know they shouldn't do. And they all think they won't get caught. But this true story proves the adage - "It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but sooner or later....you WILL get caught"

This fun read begins with a young girl, and her budding career in parental note forgery. Thirty years later, it comes back to haunt her in the most amusing way -proving once and for all that what goes around, comes around! Perfect short read for those "waiting for the kids to get out of school/practice/dance/etc." moments.

Includes a bonus excerpt from Stranger Danger - How to Talk to Kids About Strangers.

Senseless Attraction

Prayer | The 100 Most Powerful Prayers for Mood Swings — With 3 Bonus Books to Pray for Self Improvement, Humor & Love

Give a Gift That Will Change Your Life Forever.Give Yourself or Someone You Love, The Gift of Prayer...

You will not achieve fulfillment and happiness until you allow God to be the architect of your reality. Imagine that with a few moments each day, you could begin the powerful transformation toward complete control of your own life and well being through prayer.



You will be able to release all fear and doubt simply because you know that God gives you the strength. You can utilize this simple, proven technique to regain the lost comforts of joy, love, and fulfillment in your life.



God's gift of life is too short to be exhausted on thousands of everyday anxieties and fears. Sadly, the average person will get to the end of their life and realize that more than half of it was spent struggling with these kinds of problems. Because they didn't know what to do, many of these people never found any satisfaction in life. You can and will become bigger than those struggles by enhancing the positive energy that God already has flowing within you.



You are exactly who you think you are, and it's up to you to create those thoughts and manifest them as God's creation. No more lack of faith, motivation, and feelings of doubt in your life. No person can find happiness in an environment beyond his or her control. But you can get up, get out, and take control with God.



Prayer starts by creating a cycle of continuous prayers. You must believe and repeat these declarations and prayers each day. If the thoughts and ideas that we affirm are not true in reality, a dynamic tension is created between your perceived reality and your psyche. This presence of dynamic tension causes imbalance between your psyche and perceived reality. Your consciousness will work to get back in tune with the God's vision of the universe to resolve the tension. There are two simple ways to ease this tension. You must work with God's creation in order to make your declarations become true, or you must stop the prayer. As you choose to continue praying, your mind and body will seek to balance this inequality with the universe by transforming your environment to match your declarations of truth. Sooner than later, you will find yourself taking positive and decisive action that you never imagined possible as your perceptions naturally align with your true reality.



By utilizing prayer you are training your consciousness to work in tandem with God's natural flow of creative energy. This is how we are naturally designed to function as happy, healthy beings. Unfortunately, the complexity man's modern world has made it more difficult to find the natural creative harmony that God placed inside of each of us. Negative thinking goes against God's intended order of the universe and will unravel along with those who produce it. We are all meant to be bottomless vessels full of God's refreshing life and energy. Through prayer you will learn to be constantly over-filled with energy from God that soaks into the world and the people around you.



If you want to see positive change now, you'll find the quickest path to fulfillment with prayer through God's love. There is no time to spend on loss, negativity, and defeat when you can be achieving tangible, historically proven results with minimum time and effort invested.



There is no limit to changes that God can make in your life through the power of creating truth with prayer...



Read This Book To Change Your Life Today!

Available in Paperback Format ?

Available to Read on Your Phone, Tablet, Computer, eReader & More ?

Contaminated Samples

A free sampler containing the outrageous first chapters from Frankie's three books My Shit Life So Far, Work! Consume! Die! and Scotland's Jesus. Perfect for when you want to feel deeply offended.

MY SHIT LIFE SO FAR: 'I don't think anyone can have written an autobiography without at some point thinking "Why would anyone want to know this shit?" I've always read them thinking "I don't want to know where Steve Tyler grew up, just tell me how many groupies he f**ked!"'

So begins Frankie's outrageous, laugh-out loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it.

WORK! CONSUME DIE!: Stand-up comedy's favourite pessimist, Frankie Boyle, offers his laugh-out-loud, cynical rant on life as he knows it. He describes your reality as viewed through a bloodshot eye pressed against a shit-smeared telescope, focused on hell.

SCOTLAND'S JESUS: Reading Scotland's Jesus should be like being called into the living room by your child shouting that they see a little red dot on the head of a TV newscaster, then riding the white hot bullet through the propaganda circuitry of his or her exploding brain.

Funny Stories for Kids: Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner: Star Wars Parody, Kid's Books, Books For Kids, Children, Sci-fi, Parody Books, Teen Books, Fiction Books for Teens, Humorous Books)

In a galaxy ravaged by tyranny, planets are destroyed at the push of a button and empires are brought down by farm boys and scoundrels. Dark Zader was one of the most powerful men in the galaxy, but when he threw his emperor down a shaft, he found himself without a job.

Living with his kids and down on his luck, he finds that he only has one solution, beg for his old job back from the very emperor he thought he'd killed.

Read as this family of rebel scum scrambles to prepare a dinner fit for an emperor in the most ridiculous culinary experience ever.

Double the excitement.

Triple the laughs.

Paintbrush illustrations.

This is...

Family Wars Episode I: The Forced Dinner

100+ Knock Knock Jokes: Funny Knock Knock Jokes for Kids (Funny Jokes for Kids)

Best-Selling Joke Book for Kids!Are you looking for a fun book to keep the kids entertained and happy? This funny joke book for kids is excellent for early and beginning readers. Laughing and jokes have been proven to have positive mental and physical effects on the body!This books is especially great for long trips, waiting rooms, and reading aloud at home.100+ knock knock funny jokesExcellent for early and beginner readersHours of fun and entertainment for kids and childrenGreat for long trips, waiting rooms, and reading aloudFunny and hilarious knock knock jokes for children of all ages, teens, and adults.From this Funny Joke Book...Knock knock!Who's there?Bless!Bless who?I didn't sneeze!LOL!Knock knock!Who's there?Auntie!Auntie who?Auntie glad to see me again!HAHA!Knock knock!Who's there?Zeke!Zeke who?Zeke and ye shall find!LOL!Knock knock!Who's there?Arnie!Arnie who!Arnie having fun?HAHA!Knock knock!Who's there?Carl!Carl who?Carl get you there faster than walking will!Best-Selling Author Johnny B. LaughingThe Joke King is back with another hilarious joke book full of funny, laugh-out-loud, crazy comedy and MASSIVE assortment of knock knock jokes for children of all ages, teens, and adults. This awesome joke book for kids is easy to read and full of laughs!WARNING: This funny joke book will cause you to laugh hysterically!Scroll up and click 'buy' to start laughing today!Tags: funny knock knock jokes for kids, funny joke, funny jokes, lol, jokes, food, joke book, knock knock book, ebook, books, funny, knock knock jokes, ebooks, funny jokes, kids, haha, hilarious, children, joke, kid, funny jokes for children, kids books, childrens books, childrens book, kids book, kids books, funny knock knock jokes, joke book, food book, joke books, hilarious, lol, laughing, laughter, knock knock, funny jokes, funny joke book, book for kids, kindle book, kindle ebook, joke, jokes, jokes for kids, jokes for children, knock knock jokes, knock knock jokes for kids, funny jokes, jo

Love Finds You: The Helena's Grove Series Book 1

Note: This book was previously published under "Love Is Thicker Than Blood" by Ivy Alexander. New content has been added including an extended ending, with twists and turns you'll be sure to love!

Sweet romance with a twist!

Jennifer Berkley is a straightforward, ambitious, soon-to-be lawyer in the fast, driven city of New York. She doesn't have the patience or time to deal with people who can't or won't give her what she wants. When her father asks her to visit her aunt in Ohio as her last dying wish, Jen is immediately resistant, but reconsiders when her father makes her an offer she can't refuse.

Jen finds Ohio a much different pace than New York, and is beginning to enjoy country life when she meets Zack LaFaye, a good-looking, helpful man who is adored by her aunt. Each encounter with him leaves Jen flustered and annoyed. The question is glaring: does she have feelings for him, or does she hate him so much that she can't decide?

Amidst a country backdrop, Jen discovers feelings and experiences no city girl is prepared for. As the summer unfolds, she finds herself questioning everything. Using her skill and training as a lawyer, Jen uncovers a trail of deceit she didn't see coming. With a vengeance, she is determined to find out the truth. Someone is lying to her, but who?

Love Finds You is a clean romance novel full of charming intrigue, with twists, turns, love, romance and drama that will leave you breathless as Jen must decipher her feelings, and the truth.



Helena's Grove Series ebook Categories

- free romance books for kindle fire

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Peggy and Me

FROM THE STAR of the award-winning BBC sitcom Miranda, comes Miranda Hart's hilarious account of life with her beloved dog Peggy, a gorgeous white bichon frise.

'Hilariously funny and often moving memoir ... we loved every word *****'

Heat



'Open, honest ... her misadventures are hilariously described ... charming and funny'

Daily Express



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



Hello dear book browser and welcome to Peggy & Me, the story of my life since getting a beautiful Shih-Tzu Bichon Frise cross puppy (I call the breed a Shitty Frise - fun) in the form of Peggy.

Some of you may be thinking: "a book about a dog, how totally brilliant, I need hear no more, I'm sold." In which case we should be best friends and go out to tea together, every day.

Others of you may be thinking: "a book about a dog, how totally mad, she must have officially lost it." In which case I completely understand. For I once viewed dog owners with much suspicion. The way they obsessively talk about their dogs often using voices for them to reply; the way they have a light covering of dog hair all over their clothes and sofas; and worse, an alarming comfort and ease around excrement.

But I now get why people become so mad about their hounds. It wasn't instant love I have to admit. Getting a puppy when I was at a low ebb in my life wasn't easy - there was a lot of challenging, what I call, dog administration (dog-min), and the humiliating first trip to the vet still haunts me. It's been a bumpy old road, but Peggy has been lovingly by my side through some life-changing moments and I wouldn't have coped without her. Most surprisingly she has taught me a huge amount - not how to get an old pie packet out of a bin and lick it (I could already do that), but real lessons about life and love and trust and friendship.

Put aside any doggy reservations and come walkies with Peggy and me ...

The Book That Proves Time Travel Happens - FREE PREVIEW EDITION (The First 7 Chapters)



This never-before-seen twist on time travel adventure explores the theme of accepting those who are different--and having the courage to join them. The moment Ambrose Brody steps into a fortune-teller's tent, he is whisked into a quest that spans millennia with his best friend, an enigmatic carnival girl, and an unusual family heirloom that drops them into the middle of the nineteenth century!

The year 1852 is a dangerous time for three non-white children, and they must work together to dodge slave-catchers and save ancestors from certain death--all while figuring out how to get back to the future. Fortunately, they have a guide in the helpful hints embedded in an ancient Chinese text called the I-Ching, which they interpret using Morse Code. But how can a three-thousand-year-old book be sending messages into the future through a code developed in the 1830s? Find out in this mind-bending, time-bending adventure!

Angry Granny (Angry Granny Adventures Book 1)

Hilarious adventures abound as Granny comes to live with her grandson and his parents. It is rarely an easy transition when aging parents and grandparents find they need to live with their children, and Angry Granny is no exception. But, on top of Granny's declining memory, she has lost her filter. So, be prepared because even though her grandson isn't used to hearing curse words Angry Granny is about to change that as she regularly let's the a-word fly. It's cute. It's funny. And, it's touching as the experience of having Angry Granny in the house will take you from laughing to saying "oh my" and right back to giggling again.

Rob Alex and Boegley Alex co-wrote Angry Granny, but it all started when Daddy (Rob) started telling Angry Granny bedtime stories to Boegley. The laughter and giggles that poured forth from the bedroom could be heard all the way downstairs. After a few weeks and a long list of Angry Granny adventures, this father-son duo decided to share their knee slapping and sometimes shocking stories with the world. Get ready because these two will take you on quite a journey alongside Angry Granny, and they just may share more of Granny's adventures as time goes by.

A Month of Bedtime Stories: the First Five Stories (and off you went to the woods)

The first five stories of the highly praised collection, "A Month of Bedtime Stories".

Children will love being the main character and hearing about the adventures they had earlier in the day. ("You don't remember? It must have been that bonk on the head that made you forget!") Parents too will enjoy the humor and imagination of this book of immersive, read-aloud bedtime tales.

Mouse Jokes for Kids: Animal Jokes and Riddles for Kids (with Illustrations)

***UPDATED: AUGUST 2017 with PICTURES***

Are you ready for the best Mouse Jokes and Riddles for Kids?

Below are sample jokes that you will find inside the book. Take a sneak peak:



Q: What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?

A: Stalagmice

Q: What does a twenty-pound mouse say to a cat?

A: Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

Q: What has 12 legs, six eyes, three tails, and can't see?

A: Three blind mice

Q: What did the cat have for breakfast?

A: Mice Crispies

Q: What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?

A: Mouse code

You'll find more of them when you buy the book.

***Read it FREE With Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership***

Don't have kindle? No worries! Read it on your PC, Mac, Tablet or Smartphone!

Download your copy NOW (click BUY NOW WITH 1-CLICK) or READ it FREE with Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership.





TAGS:

animal jokes, kids book, childrens book, kid's book, children's book, puzzles, activity book, riddle book, brain teasers,kid's books, best jokes, best jokes and riddles, family riddles, family riddles for kids, clean jokes for kids, funny jokes, ultimate memes, tongue twister, knock knock jokes, big book of jokes, giant book of jokes, silly jokes, mouse jokes, funny and silly jokes for kids

Bug Jokes for Kids: (FREE Puppet Download Included!): Hilarious Jokes (Best Clean Joke Books for Kids) (Charlie the Cavalier Best Joke Books) (Charlie the Cavalier Joke Books Book 12)

Charlie the Cavalier Books Presents Best Joke Books

Child Friendly Bug Jokes for Kids!

Charlie the Cavalier is a family friendly dog that bring smiles to children's faces. Charlie brings to you family friendly jokes to make kids and adults smile. Enjoy this book with the children in your life.

Amazon Prime Members can borrow this book for FREE!

oGreat for Road Trips

oRead in Waiting Rooms

oRead Before nap time

oRead at bed time

oGreat for a vacation

A few Jokes From This Funny Joke Book...

Question: What do moths study in school?

Answer: Mothematics!



Question: What did one girl firefly say to the other?

Answer: You glow girl!

Question: What happens when the insect egg laughs?

Answer: It cracks up!

Scroll up and click 'buy' to read these funny jokes!

For each Charlie the Cavalier and 50 Things to Know book that is sold (not including free days), 10 cents is given to teaching and learning. Go to 50ThingsToKnow.com/GivingBack to find out more.

A Lonely Dog on Christmas

Christmas Day is fast approaching. For Beckham, the family bulldog, it means just another year of being ignored while chaos and mayhem reign throughout the house. In this holiday short story full of laughter and family dysfunction, Beckham narrates an ill-conceived plan to create an unforgettable landmark moment in order to reclaim the spotlight as the center of attention. As the extended family gathers to make merry and observe their annual tradition, Beckham has another idea in mind to celebrate and make it a day to remember.

A Lonely Dog on Christmas is not intended for children and contains language unsuitable for young readers.

hilarious school memes: remembering days of school

This book is meant to be read for FREE with Kindle Unlimited!

In this book, I've collected over 700+ funny school memes which makes you remember your lovely days at school.

I hope you enjoy a lot.

Ward of the Flies: A Child Counselor's F*ck-My-Life True Story

Clint Looney baby-sits the insane.

To land his dream job in gifted education, Clint needs experience. He takes the only position available: counselor at a summer camp for disturbed children. But school never taught him to handle real-world crazy.

To get the job recommendations they need, Clint and his co-workers must wow their A-hole boss. Only the swarming, psychotic, merciless kids stand in their way.

From the hick towns of upstate New York to the rampant, muggy forests of the Hudson River Valley, Clint and company match wits with America's worst young minds. Watch as they scale the treetops, dodge flying poo and chase naked, howling teens through the forest. They wanted a resume builder. They got a marathon of madness. Will they go on to bigger, better lives, or work at camp forever? Can Clint escape the Ward of the Flies?

fabulous school memes : funny memes: memes for kids

This book is meant to be read for FREE with Kindle Unlimited!

In this book, I've collected over 800+ funny school memes which makes you remember your lovely days at school.

I hope you enjoy a lot.

They Win. You Lose.: Sex, Violence & Songs from the Shows (The Implosion Saga (Book 1))

They Win. You Lose. By Stan Arnold

Sex, Violence and Songs from the Shows.

They Win. You Lose. is the first book of The Implosion Saga. It's a very funny thriller. Mick and Jim are two incompetent, Soho-based, corporate video producers. They drink too much and don't earn enough.

So when the Mafia come calling, demanding back rent of ?6,000, they have ten minutes to do a runner. All they have is an old Morris Traveller (a Woodie, if you're in the US) and a tank full of petrol.

Their sudden flight takes them to the sex trade in Southsea, out-of-body experiences, horrendous amateur dramatics, Death Metal pubs, foul-mouthed, 80-year-old punk grannies and hit men dressed in pink Mexican outfits.

Under constant threat from enforcers, they get offered a mystery job in Las Vegas. When they arrive, six Reservoir Dogs' lookalikes are waiting for them. They make their escape using the world's most mercenary taxi driver.

During the next 24 hours, they chicken out a freight train, walk six moonlit miles across the desert with cactus-punctured groins, find out what badly manufactured LSD can do to you, avoid Thelma and Louise suicide-a-likes, have sex with Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper, make a commitment in front of a Bourbon-fuelled Elvis at Big Derek's Gay Marriage Emporium and blow up a Harley Davidson. The final showdown takes place with the mafia boss in the world's most unspeakably lurid theatrical environment. A very neat twist propels them from sudden death into a totally different way of life.

Or does it?

Make Us Dream: A Liverpool Fan's View of the 2013/14 Season

LAST summer few football fans would've given Liverpool a realistic chance of Champions League qualification, let alone a title challenge sustained to the last day. But one man believed.

The 2013/14 season marked the year when Brendan Rodgers revolutionised the club by restoring the faith and reconnecting it with its fans.

Throughout the entire campaign he oversaw a breathtaking brand of football spearheaded by Suarez, Sturridge, Sterling and Steven Gerrard -- or "poetry in motion" as the Kop called it.

The Anfield faithful asked the squad to "make us dream", and Liverpool were finally awoken from being one of the game's sleeping giants to becoming a force again.

Relive all the classic moments through the eyes of an obsessive, lifelong fan on the road with Rodgers' Reds. And experience fly-on-the-wall accounts of the sights, sounds, songs and smells of match-days both home and away.

Highlights on the journey include the Old Trafford trouncing, a demolition derby over Everton, an annihilation of Arsenal and spectacular wins over Spurs. Plus, all 101 league goals, coverage of all competitions and a pre-season round-up.

Crammed with in-depth analysis, humour and facts Make Us Dream is not the closing of a chapter, but the start of a compelling new one.

Quinceys Quirky Quiz Books Photo Dingbats Volume One: Photo Puzzles Volume 1

If you like to watch Catchphrase, then take a look at this book of Photo Dingbats that I have created.

These puzzles are known by various names such as Rebuses, Pictograms and Dingbats. They consist of a picture that represents a well known saying or word or phrase.

Keep your brain active with this volume of fifty puzzles.

Max's Revenge: A wedding, a party and a plate of dog food stew: Volume 1 (The Max Books)

Max is out for revenge. In The Wedding, Max gets dumped from being the pageboy at his uncle's wedding. A five year old takes his place. Max isn't happy and he knows who is to blame. His evil aunt. Max wants revenge. Not just any revenge; but clever, satisfying revenge. Will he get his chance before the wedding is over? In Dog Food Stew, Max uncovers his aunt's evil plan to sell his nanna's house. But Max has a plan of his own. Will he stop his nanna's house from being sold and get revenge on his evil aunt? Revenge can be sweet, but it can also leave a funny taste. Book Categories: Adventure books for kids 9-12 Action books for kids 9-12 Series books for kids age 9-12 Children's adventure books age 9-12 Please scroll up and click the Look Inside feature on the top left hand side of the page.

Turkey Jokes for Kids: Animal Jokes and Riddles for Kids (with Illustrations)

***UPDATED: AUGUST 2017 with PICTURES***

Are you ready for the best Turkey Jokes and Riddles for Kids?

Below are sample jokes that you will find inside the book. Take a sneak peak:



Q: What key won't open any door?

A: A turkey

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?

A: It was the chicken's day off.

Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

A: It was stuck on the turkey's foot.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice?

A: To prove he wasn't chicken

Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys?

A: Foul weather

You'll find more of them when you buy the book.

***Read it FREE With Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership***

Don't have kindle? No worries! Read it on your PC, Mac, Tablet or Smartphone!

Download your copy NOW (click BUY NOW WITH 1-CLICK) or READ it FREE with Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership.





TAGS:

animal jokes, kids book, childrens book, kid's book, children's book, puzzles, activity book, riddle book, brain teasers,kid's books, best jokes, best jokes and riddles, family riddles, family riddles for kids, clean jokes for kids, funny jokes, ultimate memes, tongue twister, knock knock jokes, big book of jokes, giant book of jokes, silly jokes, funny turkey jokes

Hug (the Pug)

Hug (the Pug) tells the tale of a cute little pug who is on a quest for friendship, however, will his bladder problem prevent him from making friends?

Make Me Laugh Rhymes Vol 4: Humorous Kids Poems

Make Me Laugh Rhymes are full of clever concepts, interesting characters, strong rhymes and fun twists that tickle the funny bone of kids at all ages. Volume 4 includes, "Hoop Dreams", "Fatal Error", and "Little Debbie". These books have adorable illustrations to keep the pages turning. Enjoy the poems as fun bedtime bed-rhyme readers or anytime you want a laugh! Read them to your kids, or let them read the poems on their own. They will come to love poetry while they laugh.

Excerpt from "Little Debbie"

I have the sweetest sweetheart,

Little Debbie is her name.

I've loved her since my childhood,

My lunchtime playground flame.

Her kisses taste like chocolate,

She's soft and sweet inside.

I think that I'm addicted

To her cakes and rolls and pies.

- Download the book for the full content and have a giggle with your littles tonight!

Hettford Witch Hunt, Series One: Comedy Horror

"With subtle humor and a charming regional voice, James Rhodes cleverly crafts a story of vengeance, mystery and witchcraft. Deftly weaving the ordinary and supernatural Rhodes leads readers along a path strewn with dreary workaday details offset by exciting glimpses of an otherworld that threatens to destroy the safety of the mundane."

-Kirsten Imani Kasai, Author: Ice Song, Tattoo, Del Rey Books

Gary Turlough is falling deeper into his post-graduate slump as each day goes by. He is in a dead-end job with no prospects and, following a slight indiscretion with a local goth, his girlfriend is one more mistake away from heading back to New Zealand. Life in the small village of Hettford would be tough enough without the spirits of two 18th Century witches plotting to kill his only two friends.

Milton and Dan are the real ale drinking hill-walkers of witch hunting: Nobody may believe them, nobody may reward them and they might not ever accomplish very much but nonetheless they remain devoted to their cause. With a slick sitcom format this novel is a must have for fans of paranormal comedy.

SERIES TWO: Available now!

Bedoggled (Country Misadventures Book 2)

"As before, the writing is colorful, evocative and humorous...." - Amazon reviewer mwalimu

*******************************************

Tracy Heath once again brings the quirky Oregon desert and its people to you with her feel-good, laugh-out-loud tales. In this second book of her Country Misadventures series, Tracy recounts numerous stories full of humor and poignancy.

Experience the face-palm moments of becoming a dog owner:

"Considering his klutzy habits and ill-mannered behavior, [Bowser's] knowledge of the indoors was limited. But his understanding of life in general was lacking, so we should have seen something coming."

Relive the days of T-ball where the hardest part of the game is keeping the helmet out of your eyes:

"We had a few players that could hit the ball off the tee onto the field and then run toward first base. Sometimes they forgot to turn left after reaching first and just kept galloping into the outfield, but it was a start."

And get ready for hard-core fishing, folks, because fishing's not for wimps:

"Dripping piteously, the fishers reached the foot of the trail and took a minute to gaze up the steep, switchbacked path, the shadows already growing long around them. Crying seemed a viable option...."

Enjoy these escapades and several other comical stories in Tracy's take on country life. Bedoggled is available solely for your entertainment!

(Formerly titled "A Proper Fish Story")

Click "Buy" to get your humor fix today!

Hot Shots FC

This is the first book in the 'stupidly funny' football series, Hot Shots FC. It is for children aimed 6-12 who like football, or being silly, or laughing out loud again and again!

It follows the fortunes of Hat Trick Boy, who is selected to join local side Hammers FC. But there is a problem: his friends aren't picked. So Hat Trick Boy has to choose between his friends and his football, and he makes a mistake. He deserts his friends and decides to join the rather rough Hammers FC. But he doesn't know his friends are about to set up the greatest junior football club ever, Hot Shots FC...

The Bombay Rifleman's Chest

Set in late 1980s industrial Britain. Arthur Bilt, Brewer and Head Brewer, has toiled for his entire adult life within the labyrinthine decrepitude of the City Brewery in London. For the best part of half a century he has given it his best. The City Brewery used to be independent, but it is now owned by a sprawling hotel and leisure conglomerate with tentacles in every corner of the globe. That in its turn has been swallowed by a teetering, globalised, financial mega structure of epic proportion. Deep in the bowels of the brewery, vengeful, dark forces are at work - a monstrous seeping presence has arrived which threatens to engulf and ruin the entire shambolic imperium. Can Bilt, aided by his clever but industrially challenged assistant, rescue the situation from the brink of Apocalypse? Can they keep their cool against the shadowy forces ranged against them? What are the dark and sinister secrets encoded within Miss Millipond's archive? Can Crasker keep them all employed for long enough to emerge triumphant, or at least reach retirement age? Can senior managers re-apportion blame fast enough to retain their suits? Will Sir Richard's great career ever attain the explosive climax demanded by his soaring ambitions? Bilt decides upon a final assault of desperate proportion but it could all go horribly wrong.

In the Grotto: Elrood the Elf

It's not all jam you know, being an employee at the North Pole.

Join Elrood the elf on his first three adventures as he takes a grown-up look at the world of working in the world's greatest toy factory.

"Elrood's Story" gives you a tour of the grotto like you have never seen before. Elrood's "unique" viewpoint gives an insight into canteen cutlery, production line management, and how the Northern Lights are really made.

"Complex Future" sees Elrood feeling lucky to join the Finance department only to find himself mixed up in a major financial crisis - only, don't blame him.

"The Greatest Show in the Arctic" tells how the Polar Games come North for the first time in ages. Elrood joins the events committee. He's left a few things off his CV which, not only leads to trouble, but also triumph in the "Trike Off!"

The Boy on the Bench and Other Stories

Lancelot Maddox hides a family photo of himself and his discouragingly athletic brothers before leaving for the park everyday. His backpack brims with difficult puzzles and his shirt pocket is stuffed with mechanical pencils . Safely hidden behind shrubbery on an isolated bench, Lancelot works his puzzles, and practices the art of bench warming which he will surely need come soccer season this fall. He's bending over a particularly challenging puzzle when a woman looms over him and whispers that she's being followed. And, if that isn't disquieting enough, she asks him to deliver a coded message to an obscure building cowering between two skyscrapers. Naturally, it's a matter of life and death. Lancelot finally agrees if only to be rid of her. However, when he arrives at the address, there's no handle on the massive door. An intercom interrogates him and the door slides eerily open. All the decoders have left for the day, so with grave reservations, Chief asks Lancelot to decode the secret message. With the success of the decoded message under his belt, Lancelot joins the agency's ranks as a part-time decoder after school this fall. Suddenly, Lancelot graduates from the degradation of bench warmer to the lofty position of part-time decoder.

Lancelot appears in five of the ten delightful short stories. Middle-school boys and girls share top billing in the remaining five stories.

A Beginners Guide to Criminality: how to be a successful villain

So you're thinking of converting to a life of crime; contemplating turning your back on society and normality for an alternative vocation; giving serious consideration to saying "t'hell with the laws of the land!" and "I'm going out to take what's not rightfully mine!"?

Who can blame you! In these times of high unemployment, low wages, austerity cuts, increased cost of living and social decay (not to mention a faltering judicial system) why wouldn't you consider a slightly unorthodox profession? After all, the latest games consoles, interactive TV's and new cars don't come cheap - not to mention booze and cigarettes!

Maybe you've tried the conventional Monday to Friday, nine to five existence and decided that lifestyle just isn't for you. Perhaps you've never worked a day in your life and criminality comes naturally to your clan and as such a life of crime is your destiny - upholding the proud family name.

Venturing down the criminal path is not a decision to be taken lightly though; there are many factors you must consider in advance if you want to make the most of your villainous plans. This short guide will provide all you need to know about crossing over to the dark side and setting off on your journey of self-discovery and debauchery as you pillage and plunder your way up the criminal ladder from petty thief, to powerful crime lord.

Taking Off

A few years after graduating college, Ty was fed up with "working" and "acting responsibly like every other adult is expected to," and chose instead to quit his job and backpack across Europe and Asia. Taking Off is the mostly true memoir of his trip.

Yes, this may come as a shock, but a twenty-something wrote about his experiences travelling. Kind of like when Ashley from HR sent you the link to her vacation blog. The differences being that this book is longer, has less pictures of Ashley in a bikini, and gives you no real obligation to read it since you'll never bump into Ty in the break room where he'll ask you how you liked it. But regardless of obligation, you can still appreciate this book, as it consists of several humorous, interesting, and worthwhile anecdotes that are way more interesting than anything that self-absorbed narcissist Ashley could ever write.

This book is completely, 100% free. So if you're interested, give it a read. If you like it, tell a friend about how good it was. If you don't like it, lie to an enemy about how good it was. Either way, make sure to flaunt the book's completion to someone. You're literate for God's sake, and the contemptible people with whom you surround yourself need to be made aware of your superiority.

Snake Jokes for Kids: Animal Jokes and Riddles for Kids (With Illustrations)

***UPDATED: AUGUST 2017 with PICTURES***

Are you ready for the best Snake Jokes and Riddles for Kids?

Below are sample jokes that you will find inside the book. Take a sneak peak:



Q: What is snake's favorite subject?

A: Hiss-tory

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie?

A: A pie-thon

Q: What is a snake's favorite dance?

A: The mamba

Q: What do you give a sick snake?

A: Asp-irin

Q: Why couldn't the snake talk?

A: It had a frog in his throat.

You'll find more of them when you buy the book.

***Read it FREE With Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership***

Don't have kindle? No worries! Read it on your PC, Mac, Tablet or Smartphone!

Download your copy NOW (click BUY NOW WITH 1-CLICK) or READ it FREE with Kindle Unlimited or Prime Membership.





TAGS:

animal jokes, kids book, childrens book, kid's book, children's book, puzzles, activity book, riddle book, brain teasers,kid's books, best jokes, best jokes and riddles, family riddles, family riddles for kids, clean jokes for kids, funny jokes, ultimate memes, tongue twister, knock knock jokes, big book of jokes, giant book of jokes, silly jokes, funny snake jokes

Risking it All: The Rosewoods - A Short Story

Things are not going well for Brady Fleming, Rosewood equestrian coach and Olympic hopeful. Thanks to a careless fall off his horse, he is now on crutches - out of training and a job. Not to mention he's had to promise Brooklyn he'll back off so they could be just friends, which is the last thing he wants. The worst part is he knows she's into him too; she's as much as admitted it. And that kiss... There is no denying their chemistry after that kiss at the costume dance. But he can't date a student and he balked when she asked him if he was willing to risk it all to be with her. Now that his job and training are on hold, his outlook has changed and he's beginning to realize what really matters and what he wants from his life.

Maybe that girl who showed up on campus and turned his heart inside out is worth risking everything for after all.

Read Risking it All, a short story from Brady's perspective, in preparation for Making Ripples, The Rosewoods book 6.

150 Knock! Knock! Jokes

150 hilarious knock knock jokes to keep the kids amused, with lots of charming illustrations.

Pathetic Sick Sniffy Pants: A funny, read-aloud, bedtime story for kids aged 5 to 9

[Insert the name of your child] travels back in time to Camelot and has some amazing - and rather odd - adventures while on a quest ... for shampoo.

This story appears in the collection "The Revolting Brains".

I fancied you until I saw you yawn

A collection of short, dark and spectacularly funny poetry that explores an alternative view of modern life. From using the cash machine, to sitting on the loo, "I fancied you until I saw you yawn" will take you on a journey you'll never forget. Brace yourself for the ride of your life!

Love Hurts

"Let me tell you something about love. They say love hurts, well my love killed a whole town. Only a small town mind, but a whole town all the same. Love doesn't just hurt, it maims, cripples and kills. I know, I've seen it in action.

This introduction put Russell on the runner-up list for The Independent newspaper's 'Opening Gambits' competition.

Here is the full book, enjoy.

Charlie The Pissed Off Mutt

Charlie is a dog who suffers from anger issues. Trying to impress his owner, his number one goal in life is to become a house dog. Things are looking good until Jasper the stray dog shows up uninvited. Pissed off, Charlie has to come up with a plan to get rid of Jasper once and for all.

Part 2 is Available Now at This Link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XO8OXTO

Useless Crap From Around the House: The Sullivan Family Garage Sale

Comedy writer Danno Sullivan has LOTS of useless crap--and now it's for sale!

This parody-style book of comedy and wordplay features very funny for-sale adverts and means you may finally be able to buy things like:

-Gluten-free gluten.

-Archaic measurements

-Boring speaker presentation kit

-Big Book of Presidential Knock-Knock Jokes

-Constant ongoing banging sound with echo

-Faulty palindrome

-Rare recording of Abraham Lincoln's voice

Over 200 useless items, complete with comic descriptions and fake prices.

For fans of funny wordplay in the vein of Benchley, Thurber, and Groucho Marx, or fans of classic comedy like the Goons, Monty Python, and Groucho Marx, this little book will likely be a huge disapointment, but it's mostly spelled and punctuated correctly, so at least there's that.

Scroll up now to click that big, friendly button and get your copy!

Did You Spank Your Wife Last Night? (The Sundowner Diaries)

A humorous adult essay on the fall out from the book publishing phenomenon 50 Shades Of Grey. Plus 3 other fun articles.

[Articles - Adult Humor - 8000 words - 21 pages]

Mr. Snow

It is a brief story that shows with humor any day in the life of a girl with mental problems.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Don Nieve is a cat that has studied until third of the Degree of Psychology. He abandoned it, tired of a stupid, expensive, and changing educational system among other things ... But the main reason that led to the derangement, was the fact that his mind refused to study a lot of inconsistencies and ... bullsh ...

You can call him crazy, ladies and gentlemen, but he had understood by science, to Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry ... I do not know. I suppose the poor cat is nothing more than a romantic and an idealist ...

I imagine Psychoanalyzing is what he would have really liked ...

The achievements and professional experiences of Don Snow range from works, factories (foundry and refrigerated), warehouses and care.

He's a tough cat. He has almost always focused his energies on surviving ... in a legal and morally accepted way ... of course.

He is an animal self-taught, introspective, critical, cynical, and confident only of his abilities, as long as he has them ...: He is a gentleman! In love with who really can love.

Among the literary influences, very recently, guided by the theme of his thought and writing, Don Nieve has discovered Charles Bukowski and Herman Hesse. This kitten, much to its regret, would be like a mixture of the two. And I say very much to his regret, because he did not imagine becoming something that he intuited to be; that fact displeased him in his tenderest youth. It seems that reality and life chisele more than desires ...

It has satisfied its curiosity more or less superficially with the philosophers of always. He has also enjoyed writers like Marguerite Yourcenar, Jack London, Arturo bandini, Reverte, Isabel Allende, Milan Kundera, Celine ..., etc. They have made him laugh and cry often; being in many moments this company much more real and gratifying than the one of outside.

His manner of writing is direct, that does not leave indifferent ... He tries to write as he would have liked to be told things to him. He does not really care about what particular time a gun is, or a car, and how his engine or landscape works ... He says that if he cared to know that, he would look in an encyclopedia or wherever. So, that documentation, is to write for those who are interested in the document. Better to be brief, and not disconnect at any time ...

The Ghostly Ghastlys Book 1: FINDING A HOME (The Ghostly Ghastlys Series)

The Ghastly family are ghosts. They live in the castle above the town. Other ghosts live there too, because it is a haunted castle. Mr and Mrs Ghastly are singers and always busy with rehearsals and performances, so the little Ghastlys often do what they like.

What they like doing is to make the visitors scream. The little Ghastlys are very good at playing tricks, and people love to come and be frightened. But the other castle ghosts are mean and don't like that the little Ghastlys are more popular than them.

When the ghost children play tricks on the other ghosts, the Ghastly family is thrown out of the castle.

Finding a new home isn't easy. There is something wrong with everywhere they go: too shiny, too narrow, too open, too modern, too many people. At last they discover an old museum that hasn't been open for years. It seems ideal, but could other ghosts are already living there? If so, how will they get on with the mischievous little Ghastlys?

This is the first book in a new series called The Ghostly Ghastlys. The next book is called Branwing and Book 3 is Alfonso. Follow the adventures of the little Ghastlys and their friends.

The Bramble Patch of Katmandoodoo

A 2nd-person, read-aloud bedtime story for kids aged 4 to infinity ... where the listener is the star!

Onions make sandwiches tangy, so [insert the name of your child] goes off to the woods in search of the only onion in the world. But in the great Bramble Patch of Katmandoodoo lurk the dreaded Flinty-eyed Ninjas of Razzamatazz ...

The Rhymes They Are Amusing

A collection of humorous verse on love, death, sex, alcohol and other things, all beautifully illustrated.

PC Allo Allo Allo IQ & PC Truncheon Carrier: Car Crash

PC Allo Allo Allo IQ and PC Truncheon Carrier are at the scene of a car crash. Contains violence, strong language and adult themes. Adult Comic Strip. WARNING: For adults only.

49 Ways to Steal the Cookie Jar (The 49... Series Book 2)

Hungry?... Got a sweet tooth?... Can't wait till dinner time?... Here's 49 (extremely silly) ways to reach the Cookie Jar!

Join the hilarious adventure of these cheeky kids who will try absolutely anything to get their hands on the Cookie Jar. With an illustration for each haphazard attempt, you're guaranteed to laugh, smirk, and chuckle for hours.

Disclaimer: reading this eBook will probably make you giggle, but won't help you get a cookie.

Recommended Age: 10+

Becoming Us: College love never hurt so good: Volume 1 (London Lovers Series)

The dreaded friend-zone... The last place I ever want to be with college basketball God, Jake LaShae. I am losing my mind trying to figure out what this gorgeous and confident man wants from me. I need to break through his walls. What is it about me that makes him not go there? What am I lacking? When a mind-blowing betrayal knocks the wind out of me, and I think I can't feel any lower...Brody stumbles into my path-barefoot no less, and sexy as hell. His direct and mouth-watering swagger is a breath of fresh air. The feelings this man gives me are like nothing I've ever experienced. But Brody has a past. A past that makes it nearly impossible for him to trust me and let us become us in whatever capacity that may be. Just when Brody and I truly connect, just when I think that finding my soul-mate in college isn't a total joke, Jake comes back into my life...and messes things up...possibly for good.

Yoga Love

Yoga Love is a 45,000-word novella.

Twenty-five-year-old Lila Hayes is living a Zen-like existence with her boyfriend, Joey, in the foothills of Colorado's Rocky Mountains, as a yoga instructor. Sure, her income is paltry, but who needs money when you have love?

Apparently, Lila does, because her one true love has been cheating on her and she's had to kick him out. With wit and creativity, she plans a new life, vowing never to forgo her dreams for a guy again. Things become complicated when she meets an utterly un-Zen-like, handsome, oil entrepreneur, who is determined to make Lila his next acquisition.

Lizzie the Wizzie and the Deadly Voodoo Tattoo

Set in the present day, this story explores the conflict between Good and Evil as it delves into the paranormal to reveal secrets, skullduggery and deadly challenges that aim to excite, amuse and entertain the reader. Read it if you dare!

100 Very Funny, Hilarious, Wet Your Pants Laughing Knock Knock Jokes for Kids

This is a book of 100 knock knock jokes for kids. Children love to share knock knock jokes with friends and family. The easy to read format makes learning new jokes fun. Bonus: This is a clever way to encourage your young ones to read.

From a Keen User of Anti-Perspirant Deodorant: My Interesting Emails to People

I have written a number of interesting emails to people, a selection of which are published in this book. The people I have written to include Donald Trump, Bryan Adams, Heston Blumenthal, Jerry Bruckheimer, Jeffrey Archer, various chief executives and some other people. I have also included their replies, where appropriate. I hope you enjoy this collection. Many thanks, and good luck!

Smug Slug

The small-but-mighty tale of a sea slug who proves that he has what it takes to defeat a Great White shark, a venomous sea snake, and even a Giant Squid! Hilarious inspiration for kids, new graduates, and anyone else that needs a boost in confidence.

Is It Just Me?

A Sunday Times Number One Bestseller

Miranda Hart will carry you along with the sheer force of her charm, bumbling cheer and charisma. - Sunday Express

Well hello to you dear browser. Now I have your attention it would be rude if I didn't tell you a little about my literary feast. So, here is the thing: is it just me or does anyone else find that adulthood offers no refuge from the unexpected horrors, peculiar lack of physical coordination and sometimes unexplained nudity, that accompanied childhood and adolescence?

Does everybody struggle with the hazards that accompany, say, sitting elegantly on a bar stool; using chopsticks; pretending to understand the bank crisis; pedicures - surely it's plain wrong for a stranger to fondle your feet? Or is it just me?

I am proud to say I have a wealth of awkward experiences - from school days to life as an office temp - and here I offer my 18-year-old self (and I hope you too dear reader) some much needed caution and guidance on how to navigate life's rocky path.

Because frankly where is the manual? The much needed manual to life. Well, fret not, for this is my attempt at one and let's call it, because it's fun, a Miran-ual. I thank you.

My Life in Middle Management

Harold Schmedlap was a suit for twenty years. Based on actual events, Harold has assembled a collection of hilarious stories about his life as a middle manager including, Middle Management 101, Business Travel Sucks, I am a People Person, and The Rabid Fundraisers. Clawing his way to upper middle management, Harold used a complicated mixture of hard work, common sense, education, perseverance, dumb luck, brown nosing, recycled PowerPoint presentations, lukewarm black coffee, gigantic blueberry muffins, and way too many frequent flyer miles to become relatively successful. Harold is not a self-proclaimed business guru with seven habits that will make you a better manager or a strategy to help you organize your time. This book is a group of funny stories about real life around the office. Nothing more. But a large hunk of this material will probably be very familiar to you. Harold Schmedlap lives in Northern Virginia with his wife, Denise, and two sons, Jason and Mike. He graduated with a BS in Marketing from Virginia Tech and received a MS in Information Systems from Marymount University. An award-winning author, Harold has appeared on FOX & Friends on the FOX News Channel and has appeared on many nationally syndicated radio shows.

Garry Plotter 1-7 Part 1 Ninja School Anthology

Pages upon pages of mayhem...

Coach, I Gotta Pee

For twelve years, Dale Alderman coached a wide range of youth sports including; baseball, football, basketball, lacrosse, track, and soccer. He has felt the testosterone-fueled rush of winning and the gut-wrenching torment of losing. For the record, Dale hates losing more than tofu, asparagus, and beets. In this collection of funny stories about youth sports, Dale provides a view of the field from a coach's perspective. Episodes include; Coach I Gotta Pee, Draft Karma, The Crying Game, and What is that Smell? Dale is not a sports psychologist. He is not like Phil Jackson or Nick Saban and he doesn't have a hand full of enormous championship rings. All he has is a few plastic trophies and a closet full of free shirts and hats. He is just a volunteer dad and that's fine with him. For more information about Dale, go to www.lasariacreative.com.

Conspirators of the Lost Sock Army and the Loose Change Collection Agency

You're never too old to have one more adventure Brought to life by Steve Ferchaud's vibrant drawings, this story for all ages by Dan O'Brien lets us know that it is never too late to have one more adventure.

Mr. Bond and the Last Laugh (Scott F Neve's Prequels, Sequels and Parodies Book 6)

Mr. Bond was the type of British gentleman who enjoyed the best. Yet now he was not wearing a playboy's smoking jacket. He was trapped in an ornate silk straight jacket. There was no Swedish masseuse or nubile protege to rescue him from his boredom. This was all too real. The dapper hero of the world was imprisoned in a mental hospital being interviewed by his Oriental physician. "Tell me all about your love life," the doctor demanded with dry humor. The handsome spy's face twisted into a wry grin as he laughed and then he asked, "Where should I begin?"

Come into Heaven All Ye Faithful!: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

I am dead. I am in Heaven. I was hit by a truck driven by a terrorist. I am not mad at the terrorist even though he was trying to kill as many infidels as possible when he hit me.

I am really happy here in Heaven! It's so much fun. Everybody here in Heaven is happy--the animals, sexual perverts, crooked politicians, people who went to the electric chair, and the rest.

They're all glad for whatever sent them here. Nobody is angry with God. We have merry-go-rounds that don't cost anything to ride on. We have gambling casinos. You always win. We have rigged elections. You always win. There's a Megachurch anybody can join. Donations flow in. For people who play golf there is a championship golf course designed by Robert Trent Jones. There is never any wait. Gourmet specialties are cooked to your order and served at any time of the day or night. And you never gain weight--no matter how much sugar-sweetened soft drinks, pasta, or chocolate you eat. But if you just want to chill out and loaf and listen to music, why, that's all right, too.

I write all the time now. I write, and I write, and I write! I'm the ghost writer who wrote the world-class unconventionally erotic underground comic masterpiece Z/z. Z/z is an original, provocative, gender bending, comic fantasy with the themes of transition, loss, abuse, despondency, and exclusion.

And it's also pretty good.

Come into Heaven, All Ye Faithful! is also pretty good. It's comprehensive, yet concise.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Awarewolf & Other Crhymes Against Humanity (Vot could be Verse?): A spasm of 49 vitriolic verses, hellacious haiku, pustulent poems, satanic sonnets and odious odes.

We all hate poetry, right? But we hate it a little less when it's hellgrown, twisted and wicked. Epic, even.

If this book were a pie, it would contain more than a measly four and twenty blackbirds, But it's not a pie, it's a spasm. Which is another word for pie, in a language you don't know. In fact it's even more than a spasm. It's a devil's banquet of adults-only offal comprising nine and forty (49) satanic sonnets, vitriolic verses and odious odes, Excerpts below:

AWAREWOLF

I came upon a golem

"encountered" one might say

eating dust as golems must

all bloody, muddy day.

WHO PUT THE ANAL IN ANALYSE

If all of the dead numbered more than the living

would reincarnation be viewed with misgiving?

Would the dead grit their teeth while waiting to rise?

(Oh who put the anal in analyse?)

THE WOLVES THAT WAS

Once a month beneath the moon

Their evil crimes recur

The wolves that was is incorrect

It is the wolves that were.

CIGARETTE BLUES

my teeth are yeller, my teeth are grey and brown

my teeth are yeller, my teeth are grey and brown

frickin' dentist, Lord, richest man in town

SHALL I SING TO THEE OF HATRED?

As you feed, the gentle drops of blood

caress thy cheeks like crimson tears, my love

calling forth sweet morphogenetic memories

of all the times we've slain together

the line of carcasses

stretching to eternity.

WARNING! Immature content. Unsuitable for adults.

The Pact

Do You Believe in Mermaids?

Who Put the Anal in Analyse?

How the Wizard Lost His Mojo

The Riddler

Drunken-Hearted Man

One Wonders Why Oneness

The Wolves That Was

Cigarette Blues

Awarewolf

The Ogre of Broken Hill

If Humans Are So Smart

Prey to Slay Today

140 Bird-Brained Stupidities

Patricidal

Limiting Limblessness

What is and What Will Never Be

Tea With Entropy

Divine Masturbation

Sex Now and Then

In The Office of The Lost & Found

Always Right

Global Warming's Habit-Forming

My Old Friend Zorro

Time for a Higher Orbit

Us and Them

Verisimilitude (Baked Liverwurst)

Written on the Sky

Left is Right

Day of Hammers

Tuesday: Size Matters But...

If My Thighs

Second Coming: in the Neighbourhood

The Traitor Word

Dark Sprite

On Writing for Posterity

Meditations in the Garden of the Beauvallon Bay Hotel

Childish Limerick

Disappointment

Not Easy Being Me

Dark Before the Dawn

The Secret of No Pain

Actually, Anne Actuary

Nightmare City

Killing Floor

Reading the Runes

The Prison of My Own Devising

Meaningless Crap, Illustrated

Shall I Sing to Thee Of Hatred?

Higher Quality Beatings

Gym Etiquette: 25 Things You Shouldn’t Do In The Gym That No One Tells You About

Laugh Out Loud Fun & The Truth About the Gym... ***Get this book by personal trainer & author Dale L. Roberts*** Seriously, how many times have you entered the gym only to leave frustrated because of meatheads, stinkpots and glorified prostitutes? Gym Etiquette: 25 Things You Shouldn't Do In The Gym That No One Tells You About covers what a lot of gym patrons have been thinking, such as: Common sense issues - where is it in the gym?!Temporary paralysis & amnesia - 2 common side effects of weight lifting Body odor & ridiculous amounts of body spray Treating the locker room as a nudist resort Spitting in the water fountain & on the floor Gymtimidation - how people are trying to scare you out of "their" gym Singing Out Loud - when has a workout needed to be an American Idol audition?! Excessive screaming and recklessly dropping weightsTaking gym selfies & videos of other people And so much more high-jinx, shenanigans and other issues plaguing the common gym these days To help preserve the integrity of your workouts, safety and personal space included, the unwritten code of gym etiquette exists. This is a customary code of polite behavior, an unwritten set of rules that essentially is common sense. However, common sense isn't always common practice, so "Gym Etiquette: 25 Things You Shouldn't Do In The Gym That No One Tells You About" points out the glaring issues and states what many hardcore fitness enthusiasts and truly dedicated people say, think and feel about gym etiquette. When these rules are broken, people create small disturbances and mild annoyances. Other violations may cause serious injury to hapless, unsuspecting victims who were just looking to get in a good workout. Simple steps and easy common sense actions will make for a better gym experience for everyone. So, abide by these easy-to-follow rules in gym etiquette to make everyone's workouts safe, fun and effective. Download this book today & go into your next workout fully preparedAvailable for borrowin

The Poetic Murderer

Stuck on You

There were certainly more horrifying experiences for an eleven year old boy than being stuck on a girl's sweater in front of the whole class. Young Leonard just couldn't think of any at the time. (Humor/Nostalgia/1,105 Words

The Rise and Fall of Bobo Holloman

Bobo Holloman accomplished a feat in baseball that nobody else ever has. How come you've never heard of him? (Humor/545 words)

Ten Fables for Modern Lovers and Other Hypocrites

For the discerning reader, a collection of observations on the modern American World complete with innuendo and satirical references to ducks, squirrels, dogs, cats, and elephants.

Good-Bye Santa

Sure it happened many years ago, and surely Leonard's not the type to hold a grudge against his second grade teacher for that long. In fact, he just might forgive her one of these days. (Humor Nostalgia/930 Words)

The Magic Money Tree

Granny's No Angel (The Second Diary)

It was a difficult time for Cherry. A time of adjusting. She was trying to adjust to her grandmother's absence; she missed Granny's feisty sparkle.

And trying to adjust to the recent realization that she was not biologically related to her beloved father.



After some daring investigating, she and husband Gene had discovered that she and her brother had been conceived within her mother's passionate extra-marital love relationship. Granny's best friend had had a son that Cherry had never met. Heard about, but never met. Until recently, when she'd let him know that she knew she was his daughter.



It was a time of adjusting. A time of recurring nightmares with the same scary theme and unexpected visits by those presumed to be gone forever. Dead and gone.



A time when unexplained mysteries were solved. A time of fresh starts, when positive life changes were born. And old hurts were soothed. It was a time to re-connect with loved ones, in this dimension and others and eventually and inevitably, a time to let go of one of them.

Hot Shots FC v Dynamite FC

This is the second book in the 'stupidly funny' Hot Shots FC series. It is aimed at children age 6-12 who like football, or being silly, or laughing out loud until their tummy hurts.

It's time for Hot Shots to make a name for themselves. They've got everything they need: three new exciting players, a coach, their first competitive league match and one big problem. The new coach knows as much about football as my granny, who has never played in her life. Sid is given the job of getting rid of the coach, but that's not as easy as it seems...

I Pay Your Wages! A Beginners Guide to the Police Service 2014

Now updated with information for 2014 - including Winsor Report recommendations ***A number ONE best seller in its Amazon category***pcsurname.blogspot.comThinking of a career in the thin blue line? Want to know what a police officer in the UK really does? It's not at all like you see on the TV, trust me - I'm a policeman.

Occasionally frightening, but always exciting, PC Surname guides you all the way from application, through training, and on to what a new police recruit really gets up to out on the streets. Cross the police line for a unique, humorous and accurate insight into front line policing in the UK, whilst learning police powers, procedures and policies as you go. Featuring the latest legislation and information for 2014, this book is a complete and comprehensive guide for all those keen on a police career, as well as those with an interest in the police as a whole. In this book you will find light hearted - but brutally honest - explanations about the following topics:

Why people become police officersPersonal skills required to succeedThe full application process including the application form, assessment centre and physicalBasic trainingFront line policingPolice terminology and radio useInvestigationSuspect interviewing Police officer's Pocket Note BooksShift workArresting suspectsPowers of Stop and SearchUse of forceOfficer self defence and personal safetyDomestic ViolenceTraffic offencesSudden deathsMissing peopleMental healthAnti Social BehaviourCyber crimePublic order policing

As well as everything else a front line police officer does come rain or shine, 365 days a year, on the streets of the United Kingdom.

"Written in an engaging style this book will really appeal

to anyone who enjoys police related humour. I wish this book had been around

when I joined." Paul W Browning

"Fascinating read and I would recommend it to anyone,

whether you're looking for a career in the Police or just interested to see the

difficulties in enforcing the Law on our streets." Avid Reader



"Anyone wanting to know about modern policing should read

this. Easy to read and informative, and up to date. Honest opinions readily

expressed." Jonathan Nicholas

"Really enjoyed the book some of the stories had me in

stitches." Conor Mcleod

"I believe it would be helpful to any one joining the

police to read this book beforehand to explain some of the idiosyncrasies of

the application procedure and also some of the lesser known elements of the

job." Emma

Upholding Law and Disorder: Police Tales from the Front Line

Neurotic, excitable, unpredictable, potentially dangerous - and that's just the police officers!

Drunk drivers, feral children, drug barons, violent prisoners, dying junkies, wild gypsies, gun-toting gangsters, angry taxpayers, budget cuts and delusional senior officers - PC Surname and the rest of 'A Shift' do battle against them all.

Jump in for a ride along as they go about their everyday jobs, fighting crime and protecting the public in this hilariously accurate portrayal of modern policing!

The poorest area of the township is without doubt the Chavington Manor Estate - home to a hard-working, honest majority; as well as some of the worst examples of humanity society has to offer. It's the start of a Late shift and I am sent to the estate to investigate complaints from local residence of that most heinous of crimes in progress - knock down ginger. After just a few minutes of searching I find a gaggle of youths matching the description passed.

The group skip over and converse with me through the open car window: "Hello Mister, what are doing around here?" enquires a cheeky twelve year old Tyrone who I have met a few times before during the course of my duties.

"Oh, not much," I reply, "just patrolling to make sure you lot are safe."

"Cool car. I want to be a police officer when I'm older," says a freckly little lad in a Man United shirt, a little younger than Tyrone.

"Well that's good-" I start to say, surprised to have one future cadet in the making...

"Yeah, so that I can get a gun and shoot up all the junkies and dealers around here."

Oh dear. Kids grow up fast in 'The Manor'; at that age I was more interested in collecting Pogs and playing with my He-man action figures, not gunning down members of the narcotics trade.

"Where possible we try not to shoot people; instead we arrest them, give them a fair trial, rehabilitate them, address the underlying issues that caused them to turn to crime, before introducing them carefully back into society and, where necessary, monitor them closely," even I'm not buying that and by the look on his face Freckles is not convinced either.

"Can I see your gun, officer?"

"Don't have one, sorry," I disappoint in reply. Although technically my incapacitant spray is considered a prohibited 'firearm' under Section 5 of the Firearms Act 1968, I think Freckles wants to see something a little more impressive than that which resembles a miniature can of deodorant.

"Why was the helicopter up over our house last night, Mister?" asks another.

"I don't know," is my honest reply.

"I heard someone set fire to a stolen car, is that true?" enquires one more.

Possibly, but before I can answer: "No, I heard there was a riot and a man got killed?"

That's less likely.

"I bet it was to do with drugs wasn't it?"

The questions are coming thick and fast now.

"Can I have a ride in the back of your car, copper?" asks Tyrone before I can answer the last.

"I think you've been in the back of my car before, Tyrone; remember Tesco's?"

"Oh yeah," he laughs.

More children are now flocking to my panda like it's a homing beacon and I'm giving out free fast food to anyone under the age of fifteen. "How fast does your car go?" asks the only girl in the group.

"Well I had 115mph out of it on the bypass once," I go on, before remembering the reason I came to the area in the first place: "Anyway kids," getting back on track, "have you seen anyone knocking on people's doors and running away?"

"No!" they all shout together unconvincingly, broad smiles across most faces, conspicuously few expressions of guilt across others.

"Okay, well if it was you, please don't do it any more as it's a bit annoying."

"Okay!" they all shout again.

"Give us a go with your Taser?"

"Right, I better be going..."

The second book from PC Surname, serving police constable and author of the Amazon best seller 'I Pay Your Wages! A Beginne

She Didn't Mean to Do It

Amber Henry is in a controlling and manipulative relationship with her boyfriend Lionel. Lionel is stern in his hold over Amber but she wants to live her own life. Amber gets the courage to escape after finding about an ongoing affair. She escapes and tries to make it on her own. She makes new friends but she is certain she is being followed as she tries to manage her newfound life. She believes her ex-boyfriend is chasing her and causing deaths to the new people around her. She builds a new relationship and finally feels safe and secure but to her surprise she is not safe. Someone is still after her and tries to murder her....but not if she can catch them first!

Bearded

Confessions of a Fangirl

From the mind that brought you "Random and Disturbing Thoughts" and "That Whole 'World Ending in 2012' Thing" comes "Confessions of a Fangirl." Emmaline Westlund has been a Weird Al fan all her life and it's touched all aspects of her life. Just think of what her other fandoms have done. Not recommended for anyone under 16 years of age. Many, many swears. For whatever reason, createspace does not believe that the description for this book is long enough (or complete, according to its little autovetter thing), so here's some more text. I like tacos. I know the words to all the Weird Al songs on my computer. I drive a minivan. I'm Emmaline Westlund.

Detectives in Diapers: The Mystery of the Aztec Amulet: Volume 1

Flo and Mo are not ordinary babies. Although they are only fourteen months old, they can use a computer, trick any mindless adult they want, and help their goofy detective father solve baffling crimes. Then a mysterious girl comes to their father, claiming that her grandmother has disappeared. Will the babies' superior brains be able to solve the mystery and save their bumbling parents?

Frosted Sweets: Volume 1 (A Taste of Love)

A.M. Willard brings you a romantic comedy with a touch of contemporary romance and a dash of chick lit, which takes you on a journey of friendship. Frosted Sweets is the first installment of A Taste of Love Series in which we follow the lives of Morgan and Jayden, who are discovering life is anything but what it seems. Morgan Lewis, the owner of The Polka Dot Cafe & Bakery, is about to wed the man she's spent the last four years building a life with. What she doesn't know is, that's all about to change. Can her life move past a wedding disaster? Can her crazy friends help her pick up the pieces? And what's in store for this sweet baker? Along with a booming business, the Christmas holiday rush, and her friends, Morgan is really sent into a spin when Jayden Rivers moves to town. Jayden's focus is on his career in production, but what he wasn't expecting was to be knocked off his feet by a woman in the park. Sparks fly, but he's not sure if she's truly available or taken. With a severe sweet tooth and an addiction to Morgan Lewis's treats, he can't seem to stay away. Will it turn into sugar and spice? Or a friendship over some frosted treats?"

Year of the Brute (A Brute Story)

Old Friends, Epistolary Parody

This book (hardcover) is part of the TREDITION CLASSICS. It contains classical literature works from over two thousand years. Most of these titles have been out of print and off the bookstore shelves for decades. The book series is intended to preserve the cultural legacy and to promote the timeless works of classical literature. Readers of a TREDITION CLASSICS book support the mission to save many of the amazing works of world literature from oblivion. With this series, tredition intends to make thousands of international literature classics available in printed format again - worldwide.

The Consult Guy

He may be annoying and redundant, but if you want to get your drugs you have to listen to the dreaded...Consult Guy. (Humor/645 words)

Big Book of Nonsense Part 1

Jam-packed with the very best nonsense rhymes and tricky tongue-twisters, this wonderfully exuberant collection contains quirky, color illustrations from Colin West and lashings of his wildly wacky verse! With sections such as 'Moments with Monsters' and 'Curious Creatures' this brilliant book features poems and wordplay to satisfy nonsense-lovers everywhere!

Food-Free at Last: How I Learned to Eat Air

Get the Monkey Off Your Back! Food is a drug. Break the shackles of addiction and learn to eat air! In this detailed guide, Dr. Robert Jones, MD, PhD, DDS, ODD gives you the practical, step-by-step advice you need to transition to the air-only diet.



Common Questions About the Air-Only Diet:



Q: Eating air? Are you crazy?



A: I am a medical doctor with more than forty years of clinical experience. An Obesity Epidemic is sweeping across our great nation. Eating air is the answer.



Q: Isn't there a risk of malnutrition?



A: Not at all! Air contains all the vitamins, minerals, electrolytes and essential amino acids your body needs.



Q: A friend of mine went on the air-only diet and starved to death. Will I die too?



A: Lies, lies and more lies! Propaganda spread by the agro-business special interests that run Washington. They will do anything to keep you down, in ignorance of the truth!



A Million Dieters Can't be Wrong!



Every day the emails pour in:



"Thank you, Dr. Robert Jones, MD, PhD, DDS, ODD! Oh, thank you! I've eaten nothing but air for the last two months and I've lost eight hundred pounds! My husband says I'll make a fine skeleton! I can't wait!!!"



"Damn this air is tasty."



"Dear Dr. Jones, What a discovery! You make Einstein look like an ignoramus. We hereby award you the Prizes for Medicine, Chemistry and Peace." - the Nobel Committee



Also in This Groundbreaking Diet Book:







Lunge and Chomp - Learn the Secrets of Air-Eating Technique!

The Twelve Steps to Food Freedom - Anyone Can Do It!

The Hidden Menace in Our Society That Can Prevent You From Eating Air - and How We as a Nation Can Overcome It!





About the Author



An acclaimed pioneer in the field of Airitarianism, Dr. Robert Jones, MD, PhD, DDS, ODD has dedicated his life to freeing food-eaters from slavery to addictive caloric substances. That's why he wrote Food-Free at Lastto expose the truth the agro-business special interests don't want you to know. And that's why he's running for President in 2013. It's time to put this country on a diet - the air-only diet, the only diet proven to work. It's time to cure our great nation of the Obesity Epidemic sweeping from coast to coast. It's time to end the oligarchy's influence on our political process and bring true freedom back to America. Go the Power of Air!

Prank Gone Wrong: Rebekah, Mouse & RJ: Special Edition

Rebekah, Mouse and RJ each have their own fun short story series and sometimes they come together, bringing you these special editions.



They all love hanging out, solving mysteries and playing pranks together and we hope you will enjoy these special times as well.



It's going to be a great weekend because RJ is coming to Curtis Bay to hang out with his fun detective cousin Rebekah and her best friend Mouse. What RJ doesn't know is that they are planning to introduce and invite him to join Mouse's Secret Club...introduce him to it with a funny prank that is on him until it looks like it might be on the whole town!



Yikes! It looks like the gang might have some explaining to do!

DREAMS AND THINGS

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Dreams And Things is a picture poetry-book written by a Teacher to his Students. Each poem focuses on the topics of self-trust, choices, dealing with negativity, delayed gratification and more!

Come along as we dream, laugh, and learn!

Golf Tips from the All-Time Great Ball Strikers: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

I died of pneumonia in Bedford, Massachusetts at the age of eighty-eight.

As a young man, I was a phenomenal golfer playing at the highest levels of amateur competition. I had a big, modern swing, but I always cut a traditionalist's figure. My self-effacing, uncomplaining manner, my chesty stride, my clothes, even my tripartite name seemed a thing of the pastoral, perhaps English, past. Tweed, of course, was my preferred fabric. I once showed up on a course in all-tweed, including tweed knickers and a tweed cap. It was the middle of July.

I described the game with an avant-garde style that has since been imitated, but never duplicated.

Subjects I covered as a professional columnist included tennis, writers, politicians, and social figures. I was the ghostwriter of several books, mostly about golf.

I was just crazy about golf; I was a great historian of the game and--if I do say so myself-- a terrific writer. I wrote longhand and in pencil. In Heaven we use only Macs. It took me a long time to learn how to type. So now I dictate.

I was acute on the complexities of the game and on the characters of the players. I was, in spirit, prelapsarian--uninterested in the issues of money, endorsements, or scandal of any kind. If I had a hero in golf, and even in life, it was certainly Bobby Jones, who won thirteen major championships as an amateur between 1923 and 1930 and then went on to help design the ne plus ultra of American golf courses: Augusta National, the site of the Masters. Jones was an educated athlete, a lawyer, a writer, and a reader; and we quickly became friends talking about books and the intricacies of golf. I learned a great deal from Bobby. About three days before Bobby's death, when I knew he was dying, I said to the members of his family: 'If this is all there is to it, it sure is peaceful."

Well, Hell's bells! It's far from peaceful in Heaven! Actually, Heaven is much like Earth: greed, corruption, sexual abuse, humiliation, hypocrisy, scams, and plenty of violence. Except you can do just about anything you want here--within the Heavenly guidelines. I decided to write my own book of golf instruction.

During my coverage of the 1958 Masters, I was searching for an appropriate name for that far corner of the course where the critical action takes place -- some colorful tag like those that Grantland Rice and his contemporaries loved to devise: the Four Horsemen, the Manassa Mauler, the House that Ruth Built, the Georgia Peach, and so on. A lover of jazz, I recalled an old tune entitled "Shouting in the Amen Corner."

Now that I am in Heaven, I have been assured by The Great Greenskeeper that my writing, like the greatest game ever played, will live forever.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

How to Enter Heaven and Enjoy It: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

I am dead. I am in Heaven. I was hit by a truck driven by a terrorist. I am not mad at the terrorist even though he was trying to kill as many infidels as possible when he hit me.

I am really happy here in Heaven! It's so much fun. Everybody here in Heaven is happy--the animals, sexual perverts, crooked politicians, people who went to the electric chair, and the rest.

They're all glad for whatever sent them here. Nobody is angry with God. We have merry-go-rounds that don't cost anything to ride on. We have gambling casinos. You always win. We have rigged elections. You always win. There's a Megachurch anybody can join. Donations flow in. For people who play golf there is a championship golf course designed by Robert Trent Jones. There is never any wait. Gourmet specialties are cooked to your order and served at any time of the day or night. And you never gain weight--no matter how much sugar-sweetened soft drinks, pasta, or chocolate you eat. But if you just want to chill out and loaf and listen to music, why, that's all right, too.

I write all the time now. I write, and I write, and I write! I'm the ghost writer who wrote the world-class unconventionally erotic underground comic masterpiece Z/z. Z/z is an original, provocative, gender bending, comic fantasy with the themes of transition, loss, abuse, despondency, and exclusion.

And it's also pretty good.

I have been asked how YOU can enter Heaven--and enjoy it! Just read my helpful guide How to Enter Heaven and Enjoy It. It is comprehensive, yet concise.

I am delighted to get you into Heaven and help you enjoy it here; I ask for nothing in return.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.

Lettie and the Cucaracha

"Lettie and the Cucaracha" is the amusing story of a young woman named Lettie, whose life was turned upside down by a brown spiny guest. A guest ... she could tell no one about. Both children and their parents will love this one. Written and illustrated by renowned artist and writer Rudolph J. Poyorena. 27 pages

Buster McGavin’s Wonderful World of Golf: A Book of Revelations

I am a ghost writer.

I died of pneumonia in Bedford, Massachusetts at the age of eighty-eight.

As a young man, I was a phenomenal golfer playing at the highest levels of amateur competition. I had a big, modern swing; but I always cut a traditionalist's figure. My self-effacing, uncomplaining manner, my chesty stride, my clothes, even my tripartite name seemed a thing of the pastoral, perhaps English, past. Tweed, of course, was my preferred fabric. I once showed up on a course in all-tweed, including tweed knickers and a tweed cap. It was the middle of July.

I described the game with an avant-garde style that has since been imitated, but never duplicated.

Subjects I covered as a professional columnist included tennis, writers, politicians, and social figures. I was the ghostwriter of several books, mostly about golf.

I was just crazy about golf; I was a great historian of the game and--if I do say so myself-- a terrific writer. I wrote longhand and in pencil. In Heaven we use only Macs. It took me a long time to learn how to type. So now I dictate.

I was acute on the complexities of the game and on the characters of the players. I was, in spirit, prelapsarian--uninterested in the issues of money, endorsements, or scandal of any kind. If I had a hero in golf, and even in life, it was certainly Bobby Jones, who won thirteen major championships as an amateur between 1923 and 1930 and then went on to help design the ne plus ultra of American golf courses: Augusta National, the site of the Masters. Jones was an educated athlete, a lawyer, a writer, and a reader, and we quickly became friends talking about books and the intricacies of golf. I learned a great deal from Bobby. About three days before Bobby's death, when I knew he was dying, I said to the members of his family: 'If this is all there is to it, it sure is peaceful."

Well, Hell's bells! It's far from peaceful in Heaven! Actually, Heaven is much like Earth: greed, corruption, sexual abuse, humiliation, hypocrisy, scams, and plenty of violence. Except you can do just about anything you want here--within the Heavenly guidelines. I decided to write my own book of golf instruction.

During my coverage of the 1958 Masters, I was searching for an appropriate name for that far corner of the course where the critical action takes place -- some colorful tag like those that Grantland Rice and his contemporaries loved to devise: the Four Horsemen, the Manassa Mauler, the House that Ruth Built, the Georgia Peach, and so on. A lover of jazz, I recalled an old tune entitled "Shouting in the Amen Corner."

Now that I am in Heaven, I have been assured by The Great Greenskeeper that my writing, like the greatest game ever played, will live forever.

Open Access Policy

You are free to share, copy, or redistribute the materials in this text in any medium or format. You are free to adapt, reuse, modify, transform, or build upon the materials in this text for any purpose whatsoever.